Not welcome home, just back. Home is relative, and as an expat, my heart will forever have a home in multiple places of the world. So welcome back me, to the good ol' U.S.A.
It's been a little over two months since we last talked. Gosh, where do I start? Where did I end? Last you knew, I was preparing to leave my university in QHD, China, and I was ready to go. Not eager, just ready. My last 24 hours in China were... magical, amazing, uplifting, beautiful, rejuvenating, and heart-filling. While I had started writing this to share about my life now, I can't move to the now without go backwards to the then and sharing about my last few days in China first.
My final class at Dongda was a 2pm Friday class (by far my favorite, but don't tell any of my kids). The students in that class were funny, polite, smart, sarcastic, and beyond kind. It seemed unnatural to feel anything other than love for these kids especially. I had just finished giving them my "goodbye, thank you for being such amazing students and showing me what China is really about, I can't explain how much I'll miss you, I promise I'll be back" speech, when the bell rang for class to end at 3:50.
To my surprise, no one moved. Not a single one. I didn't know what to do, and my heart swelled. I called on the class monitor, one amazing kid in particular if you ask me, and teased him that he had promised to sing for me way long ago. (He had won 2nd place at Dongda's singing competition) He confirmed this, and then proceeded to sing for me and the kids. I recorded it, I never wanted to forget that moment. What happened next will last with me until I am made beautiful by the paintbrush of time though.
One by one, every single student, in a class of 39 students, came up to me. Each said a personal goodbye and hugged me. Some said more than others, some hugged harder or longer, but I was beyond words. I kept myself together, I could tell they needed me to be strong more than I needed them, but wow....
The English language lacks words which encompass how that moment made me feel. To verbalize the love which the students showed to me in those minutes is not possible, and to stay that I cannot wait to see them again one day is a complete understatement.
Tuesday night was my last evening in QHD and I invited kids to come hang out. Over 30 kids came in total, and I couldn't believe how much love these kids continued to give and show. Then Wednesday morning there were about 10 different kids waiting for me in the morning as Suzanna and I dragged our life's possessions with us across China to fly back to America. So many last minute hugs, so many whispers of "Don't forget me Rita, come back one day", so many last minute gifts pushed into my hands in the place of the words their English vocabulary lacked still.
To be honest, I am not a very expressive emotional person honestly. I feel it all on the inside, but struggle to say it with words, or show it with tears the way others might sometimes. Driving away from that school was one of the top five most difficult feelings I have experienced, right up there with the first time I left America, and the day I left Korea. What did make me cry was Blue Sky.
Let me explain. Blue Sky is this amazing, kind, full of love, sassy, smart, and captivating boy at my school who spoke better English than some of my English major students. He and I became friends late in the game, but once we bonded, BAM!, that was it! Suzanna, Blue Sky, and I quickly became a little family, spent time together, shared personal stories and meals, went on adventures, took many long walks around campus, and showed him what love from an American family means. In essence, he is my second little brother, and I am his American older sister. Planning for the day Suzanna and I were to leave, without telling either of us, he went to the bus station and bought a bus ticket to go with us all the way to Beijing. That's a four hour trip folks- FOUR hours. Just so he could take us all the way to the airport and walk with us as far in as he could. I didn't know until Tuesday night, and sat next to him the entire way to the airport. We talked some, listened to music that had become "our" songs during others, and just spent time next to each other in that comfortable companionship that comes to exist between two people who are good friends.
When that moment to part ways came, it finally hit me... I was leaving. Saying goodbye is hard for everyone I think, and I am definitely in this group. Goodbye's are evil horrible events that I want to throw popcorn at and say "Booooo!" to.
Blue Sky stood there, stoic like always, and when I promised him I would return and told him that I love him, he gave his usual "Yeah, I know" answer. His eyes showed it though, and I knew him well enough to know that he would allow himself to feel it later. Walking away from him on the other side of the gate, turning back and seeing him standing there, made my heart feel like it was being squeezed by the jolly green giant. That escalator ride down to the airport train, and the train ride over, were the quietest moments between Suzanna and I since we had become real friends, and filled with silent tears by both of us. The day I go back cannot come soon enough.
When I had started writing this blog, I was intending for it to be all about my new job, the kids I'm with now, and my life here in Durham, NC. Yet somehow the past called to me begging to be shared. Sometimes, I guess memories want what they want. I promise to update soon with what my new life here is like. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this walk into my past with me, and I'll talk to you all soon.
Love,
Always,
Rita
