Embrace the Change

Exactly 3 1/2 weeks ago I noticed 4 or 5 tiny red spots on my inner thigh.  I didn't think much of them, especially since they didn't itch, hurt, or anything.  They didn't go away the next day, or the day after.  I tried to figure out what it could be, and the only conclusion I could find was heat rash.  So, off I went to the pharmacy store to buy calamine lotion before meeting Sam at the airport to head off to the Philippines for our weekend getaway.  Little did I know that it was only the beginning.
Sadly, my time in the Philippines was tainted by the skin infection.  By day 4, both of my inner thighs and lower abdomen were covered in this red rash type thing and painful.  It hurt to walk.  I started to panic as I began to see spots appear on my torso around day 6.  I reached my apartment Sunday evening and burst into tears from the sheer pain of travel all day.  By day 7, I called in sick and dragged my poor body to the hospital in hopes of an answer.  I know I have no allergies, and being on no medication, I couldn't figure out a possible hypothesis.  The doctors didn't know either.  I saw 3 doctors my first day and had a skin biopsy.  I would spend the next week and a half bouncing between the hospitals and my apartment, doing everything I can relieve the pain on my body.  I was terrified, watching my skin become covered in this weird red rash thing, feeling so much pain that the physical act of walking hurt.  I called home crying nearly every day.
Now, I look almost normal again.  My torso is nearly completely back to it's regular skin color.  The red has faded to a soft hue of tan, which is gradually decreasing back to the normal pale white it was before.  My arms are an odd mixture of pale pink areas with the regular skin that wasn't affected.  My hands are still peeling, but beginning to heal.  My legs and feet are still covered in red spots, waiting to go through the process of peeling before they can change back to normal again. 
I still wake up during the night, itching and uncomfortable.  I still have to apply lotion to my skin every 6-8 hours, otherwise I bcome very uncomfortable as my skin loses the moisture I gave it through the lotion.  I still expect to feel pain when I walk, and am surprised by being able to walk normal. 
When my doctor diagnosed the skin infection as AGEP, I was surprised.  I know I shouldn't doubt the doctors here, but I genuinely didn't believe that he would be able to figure out what was wrong with me.
(for those who are curious, AGEP is a very rare skin infection/reaction.  Between 1-5/1,000,000 people are diagnosed with this every year, and 90% of the it is due to a drug reaction.  I was one of the lucky few who contracted this through a virus or spider bite reaction. It causes redness in the skin, a scaly appearance where it first starts, extreme dryness, and the skin to peel off by about 3-5 layers. Total time, from start to finish, is about 2 weeks for the process as I've found now.  Though b/c my body is going through it in different stages, it is lasting longer for me.) Because AGEP can become worse with pain medication, I was not allowed to take anything stronger than Advil. Given the severity of my discomfort and pain, this did nothing to help.  I practically begged him for something, anything.  When he told me he thought it might take weeks to heal, I almost started crying.  I could barely function- making lunch and dinner took me 2x as long as usual (if I was able to muster the energy to do so at all), I was literally unable to sit still for more than a minute, nothing relieved the pain, and on days where I went to school- I would come home crying in pain.
To be honest, I was afraid.  I was scared out of my mind.  At the rate the skin infection had been spreading, I fully expected it to cover my whole body.  It had already covered 50%.  I fully expected to be in intense pain for another 3 to 5 weeks.  So when Friday rolled around and I felt little pain, I was ecstatic!  And then when Saturday crept into being, and I was still feeling good, I felt like singing and dancing for joy.  I couldn't believe how amazing it felt- the pain was almost entirely gone!!!  I could walk around without wincing in pain!  I could walk at a normal pace!  Hell, I could sit still again!  I'm still a-ways away from being fully healed, but I'm grateful the worst is over. 
As many of you know, the woman in charge for China and I agreed that now is not the best time for me to go to China because of this.  Though in reality I may actually be fully healed by the time it came for me to physically fly, I have let the job go.  I was sad and scared to do so, and second guessed it more than once, but I know it was the right move.  While I had been working towards that job since last December, I know this was God's way of saying No to China.  I don't know why, I won't even pretend to understand, but He no longer wants me there.  Everything happens for a reason. Everything.
The idea of coming back to the states was nice for about 1 day, but the more I thought about the idea of actually moving back home, the more unsure I became.  I believe that God will let me know when I find the right place to be, he will tell me somehow and have me feel it in my heart and soul.  Every job I looked at, every country I searched, presented me with nothing.  I was discussing this with my friends Sam and Greg this weekend, saying I didn't know where to go.  I don't remember if it was me or them, but someone said I could stay in Korea.  Then . . .
*BAM*
It hit me like a ton of bricks.  God wanted me in Korea.
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!  Never in a million years did I see that coming!  He wants me here?  Here?!  HERE?  Well aren't you a funny man up there.  If you had asked me any day and everyday of the past year, up to this past Friday, if I would ever want to stay in Korea, you would have received a resounding and confident, "No."  Now?  Now I'm fighitng like hell to stay.  Thankfully I don't have to fight too hard. I only had to apply to jobs for a day and half before the emails and phone calls started coming.  Ever since, recruiters for private schools are practically climbing through my computer and phone to get me to work for them!  I just have to find the right fit.  The only thing I don't like is that I will have to teach elementary (not my field AT ALL), and I will probably have to work till 6:30 or 7.  Not the end of the world, but I rather like have my evenings to go to dinners, bible study, dancing or dance classes.  I can work around it, just not crazy about it.  Whether I stay for the entire year contract or leave early and join Sam in Thailand for teaching, I don't know yet.  I don't know what the future will bring.  Just one week ago I was going to China.  That's part of the amazing quirkiness of life- it is completely unpredicatble, completely enjoyable, and insatiably adventurous!

Here's looking at you kids!
Rita

A Lesson in Humility

Last year, around this time, I was beginning a summer camp for mentally disabled kids.  I didn't really know what I was doing, I was 23, barely one year out of college, and scared out of my mind.
Only about 2 months or so before that time I had been sparked with the idea to start the camp by my father.  He mentioned it as a joke- I took him seriously.  Not many people knew that I actually started this camp.  I was the owner, manager and lead instructor.  I bought an LLC, researched insurance, created consent forms, hired an employee, and spent weeks preparing.  Very few knew these things.  I don't like to brag, and hate attention.  (Though by writing this blog, I realize I am going against these very words.  I need to talk about them though, that is how I understand my world and what I am feeling.  Only by talking about things, expressing how I feel, am I able to see and grasp an understanding of my world, my goals, and the reality of the situation outside my head.)
Yet, when my former employee who took over the camp from me this summer announced that she had been given a $500 donation, I felt a pang of jealousy.  Then I saw a comment later how we had started the camp.  I was raised to not be prideful, but I found myself puffing up in pride anyways, wanting to yell at her.  It was not the two of us who put forth hundreds of dollars to create the camp.  It was not the two of us who worked one-on-one with the principal to make the camp happen.  It was not the two of us who had spent weeks preparing lessons and activity ideas for the future students.  And for her to say it was, hurt and offended me.  She hadn't meant harm by her comment, so I couldn't be angry at her.  I still was though.  My father helped remind me that I, my students, and the parents will always know the truth- that should be enough for me.  So, knowing my Dad was right, I did my best to let it go.
Then, I saw my former employee post another status recently.  A reporter had heard about the camp.  She is planning to interview my former employee about it.  I felt a stab of jealousy strike me again.  Attention, bragging, and being the center of attention are things I despise and feel anxiety over.  I would hate having to talk to a reporter.  I would feel horrid nervousness and dislike it, wishing it on anyone else except me.
But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to share with the world what the camp was about, who these kids were, make sure she had a real understanding for the intentions in creating the camp.  It doesn't mean that I don't wish it wasn't me talking to her, instead of her.  It doesn't mean that I don't want her to hear the story from my lips.
It's not that my former employee, and now owner of the camp, is bad.  She is a lovely, kind and very sweet girl.  She is just oblivious sometimes, lack in her attention to detail, and flighty.  I worry about my kids under her care honestly, and don't trust her to always watch them as carefully as she should or tell the reporter how the camp really came to be.  Admittedly, I am overprotective and worry unnecessarily about the kids, but for good reason.  There is no one in this world I am more fiercely protective of than my kids who are disabled and my family.  No one. 
I sent my father an email telling him of the newest news with the camp.  He said he already knew, and my parents had disagreed over whether to share the news with me.  While I felt sad and hurt that I couldn't be there, I am still happy.  The camp, kids and school are getting the attention they need and deserve.  The camp was made for them, no one else.  If anybody should have the spotlight, it's these kids.
This may sound like a trivial problem and concern, but living abroad allows me the distance and time to work on aspects of my personality that I long to change.  Sort of like fine tuning a dance move.  This is a part of my personality that I know could be better.  Being able to let go of worldly pride and be content in the simple knowledge that I have done something.  That should be enough for me, and one day will.
Love,
Rita

Good Morning Class!

I'm a month and a half shy of completing my contract here in Korea, and wow it's been one hell of a year!  I've made some of the hardest decisions of my adult life as of yet, dealt with events that left me heartbroken and questioning my worth, and lived to tell the tale.  Time here has granted me new friends both back home and here, showed me endless possibilities for what my life could be, and allowed me to experience some of the most exhilirating moments as well.  Every day is a new chance to learn, grow and change from yesterday.  I've learned so much, and though I know I still have tons to learn, I wanted to share the biggest points with you guys.  So, with no further ado, here they are:

1.  Run run, as fast as you can!  Your problems can catch; they're evil, man!
When I left the US, I'll be honest, I originially applied to run away.  I needed out the US, and FAST.  After a few failed attemmpts at relationships, the last one exploding in my face, I knew that I had to get away from the country, everyone that reminded me of the terrible times, and just find my own way in the world.  I was depressed living at home with no job prospects, and had had enough.  So I sat down and decided to take the plung.  I wanted to outrun my problems.  And if that meant having to run half way across the world, then so be it.
But I didn't.  I couldn't.  I only postponed them.  Your problems never really leave, they are only pushed back until a later time.  My problems came with me to Korea; sure morphed and changed into a different demon, but they followed none-the-less.  I'm not sure it's ever really possible to fully run away from your problems.  I don't think it's smart to either honestly.  Sometimes we need that postponment though, to regain our strength, figure out what we want and how we want to deal with our problem(s).  Having the distance both helps and hurts, but I believe in my case was necessary.  After a while, space to breathe and regain a calm mind when looking at the situation is what's really needed more than anything.  Since personally I am a very slow thinker, I need a lot of time.  I think everyone needs to decide if running is more beneficial for their problem, or more harmful, and then go from there.

2.  To the edge, and beyond!
Living abroad will push you to your limit, and then some.  Especially if you find yourself low on friends while living abroad, even if only temporarily.  At one point, everyone finds themselves alone, with no one to talk to (especially in your own language), locked in their room/apartment all weekend.  The stress of living in a country, with a different culture constantly presenting hurdles to understanding/thriving, will get to you.  You'll feel irritated/unhappy/lonely/sad/etc, and you won't know what will make you happy again.  You may even become depressed or angier than normal.  These are things everyone is forced to confront and deal with at least once when living abroad I think.  And if they don't, I kind of think they should.  Life is not always going to be easy, and being in a different country will push you farther than you've ever been pushed before.  It's important to have some sour/difficult times mixed with the sweet/wonderful ones- that way you can grow, learn, change and appreciate everything fully.
On the opposite end, living abroad will push you outside your comfort zone in a wonderful way!  You'll feel encouraged and excited to travel and explore the area you're living in both locally and internationally.  Trust me, once you get your feet wet with traveling to even one country on your own and realize "Hey!  I CAN do this all on my own!", you won't ever want to stop!  The joy of seeing other countries, wandering the streets of someplace you've never been all on your own, and finding yourself filled with confidence that you can navigate a place where you don't know more than one word will fill you with amazement and awe in yourself.  The world really isn't that scary of a place, it just looks that way because it's so hard to wrap our minds around the differences in all of the countries, languages, food, and cultures.  Allow yourself to be carried away by it, don't fight it, and you'll be shocked to find that the edge really wasn't as deep as you once excpected.

3.  See your safety net?  No?  Oh, yeah, that's because there isn't one.
Moving to a different country scared the living daylights out of me the first night alone in my new apartment honestly.  I was terrified.  I was alone in a country where I didn't know how to say more then hello and thank you- as a girl who has only traveled outside of the country once in high school, that was absolutely scary!  You don't really get a safety net living abroad.  You learn to fend for yourself.  If you want to go out to eat, you have to be prepared for the fear that locals have of foreigners, not being able to understand them or they you, and acknowledging that you probably have no idea what you will be getting to eat once you actually order.  You are going to screw up and get lost most likely every day in the beginning.  You'll probably look like an idiot doing it too.  And no, you can't ask for help because no one speaks English (or they're too afraid too).  Being here has forced me to find a strength within myself that I never knew existed, showing me that I am capable of so much more then I knew possible.  It's also helped me learn the hard lesson of literally just going with it!  I was always the kind of girl to want/need a plan for everything.  I didn't know how to live without knowing exactely where I was going and what I was doing.  I've learned to let that go (a little!).  Simply showing up to a country without more then the address of a hostel doesn't frighten me anymore, I find it exhilirating!  If you get lost, see where the road leads and have patience.  If your food looks strange, try it anyways!  (it might be really good).  You don't need to have a plan, just let yourself be carried away by pure chance and wander the little streets and alleys.  It's the hidden joys of this world and communities we reside in that provide our happiness.  After 10 months here, I'm still disccovering things in my own neighborhood.  That is what makes life great, what life is all about, don't you think?  Be prepared to be surprised and let life catch you for once- you don't have to catch yourself every time.

4.  Me!  Me!  Pick me!
I've also learned something else while living here.  The person who really wants to be your friend will show you through their actions, and is probably the last person you were expecting to become one.  As hard as it is, you cannot always trust people who act like a friend at first.  When times get hard and push comes to shove, are they going to be there for you?  Will they stick with you as a friend, prove their worth to you- or disappear and not apologize for it?  I have friends who disappear for a month or two at a time, but I know I can call them friend because they have proven to me that they care and want to stay connected.  The distance, time difference, and long periods of lack of communication aren't allowed to change what we both know to be true- our friendship means something to both of us and is valuable.  We can come back together, and pick up where we left off like no time has changed.  They ask about my happiness, and  do the same for them- we care and take the time to let the person know it.  Sure, you might not be their best friend, or vice-versa, but that doesn't mean that you can't always invest in the growth of a new friendship.  After all, all relationships start somewhere and were new once too.  Though you have to be willing to accept that sometimes, despite how it may appear, the other person doesn't feel the same way.  There will be times where you have to let a friendship go, even if you were hoping for different.  An interesting trend I've noticed in my own personal life as well:  people I didn't originally want to be friends with, or think I could be friends with, are the ones who I have ended up being closest to.  The people who have continued to push to be my friend, put up with my shifting moods, changing ideas, crazy schemes, and times of personal disappearance are the ones who have proved most loyal, caring and real. 

5.  It is just another country.
Don't be surprised when you wake up and realize that the foreign country you're living in isn't perfect.  In fact, I hope you realize this!  The sooner the better!  You can see it for what it is- just a country.  It's like seeing people as amazing or perfect- by putting them, or in this case a country, on a pedastole, you're setting yourself and them up to fail you.  Just don't do it, okay?

6.  It's gotta be the good life.
Living abroad is awesome!  I get to travel on the weekends, sometimes out of the country, have six weeks of vacation, meet people from all over the world, and see things I never would have otherwise.  It's freakin' awesome!  I have learned so much that it's ridiculous, and inspite of the sturggles I've faced, I wouldn't give any of it up for the world.  Sometimes, it sucks, yeah.  But there will be days where you can't help be get that little voice in your head that says:  "Dude!  Look at me!  I'm freakin' living in Korea!  I ROCK!!!"    And you know what- it's okay to think that, because it is awesome.  You've joined the ranks of a very selective group of people in this world, a private community who will always understand when you have a tough weekend because you missed your best friends birthday/wedding.  Or they'll get it and sympathize with you when you vent and cry over the stress of missing your family.  They'll be right there with you when you're craving a simple salad, or long to simply see a beach and blue sky.  It's a whole world unto it's own, and I sincerely hope that all of my friends can join me someday- you will never be the same again!

Love, Hope, and Dreams
Rita

Taiwan Sneak Attack!

Friday was a betty boop polka dotted shorts and yellow polo kinda day.  :)  I decided to head over to the 101 building for a sky high view of the city in the morning.  It is the second tallest building in the world or something crazy like that!  And the elevator goes 89 floors in 37 seconds.  Woah is right!
Yes, my ears did pop 2 or 3 times on the way up and down.  xD
The view was nice, though kinda hazy.  I didn't stay long, as it's just a building with a high view (let's be honest here!), but I did mail my Dad a postcard from there.  He now has one from me while in the N.Seoul Tower building and the 101 building.  :)  I like to think he really enjoys getting little surprises like that when I can. 
I made my way back to the hostel to grab some cash before walking down the street to find a quick bite to eat for lunch.  I ended up choosing freshly steamed dumplings from a street vendor, and boy am I glad I did!  They were delicious and the best dumplings I've ever had!  On Nom Nom!!!  I also bought some milk tea, but it tasted gross to me sadly.  :(  After eating on the steps of the subway station, I boarded my first of 3 trains heading towards the coast.  It was a 45 minute ride in total, but all above ground offering this great view of the city, mountains and surrounding landscape as we moved.  I was in heaven!  I listened to my music and snapped photos for the whole ride, taking in the breathtaking scenery.  Semi run down buildings stand close together with wide, open streets running between them.  Dark, mysterious mountains lie in the distance, half shrouded in storm coulds and fog.  It is such a beautiful country really.
I disembarked at the last station and caught the bus to the fishermans wharf.  It was a great board walk area with a little bridge and local shops.  I strolled along, enjoying the ocean air against my skin again and smiling at the calm joy within.  I sat and enjoyed a mango/passion fruit smoothie (yum!) while sketching the bridge into my sketchbook.  I then thought, "Well, the sunsets from here are suppossed to be spectacular, and I still have an hour, so let's see if we can find the beach nearby."  What the hey right?  So, doing what I do best, I start walking.  I walked out to the main road, turned left, and walked until I saw a small tiny trail that looked good.  After coming away from the trees and bushes, I stumble upon a white sand beach with a stretch of black/grey rocks between the sand and ocean.  The water had receeded and you could walk among/on the rocks out to the water.  There were maybe 3 or 4 people there, all far away, and I was able to enjoy this isolated beutiful beach during sunset almost completely isolated.  It was a dream come true, similar to my field of flowers.  Only this wasn't tainted by other people nearby.  It was mine, my moment, my space in time to enjoy the beauty of God's work and reflect on how lucky I am.  Love captured in a moment.  Joy.
I decided after the sun had set to grab a quick meal, snap some photos of the bridge and surrounding area at night before making the journey back home.  (It was also at this point that I had to super glue the heel of my shoe back on, as playing on the rocks destoryed it!  Woops!  xD )
A shower and outfit change later, I'm excitedly exiting the subway and making the short walk to the Friday night dance in Taipei!  The directions looked simple enough- walk straight, turn right at the first intersection, and it was on the corner of the second block.  Easy pesy right?
Wrong.
I walked to the end of the block, turn right and walk straight. I reach the end of the block, cross the street and continue to the light of the next street.  I double check the name of the street, expecting to see the name of the road it's suppossed to be.  Red flag!  It's not the road I need!  I had somehow walked past it.  I double back and see a small sign between two buildings, so I follow it around.  It's at this point that I take my headphones out and see people milling around in this retaurant type place.  I decide to go in and see if maybe that was the location.  After wandering around for half a minute looking dazed and confused, I open a door and try to walk into the bar area.  A girl stops me and says the dance is NT$350.  Yay!  I found it! 
The lesson wasn't over and I didn't know anyone, so I plopped a seat at the bar, ordered myself an apple juice, and just watched.  The lesson ended around 10:15ish, and the live band began.  Oh yeah, it was wonderful!  I was itching to dance honestly, so when I saw  guy standing on the edge of the floor doing some low key charleston moves, I asked him to dance.  No one else was dancing, and it was a small room with a small floor.  The 9 member band played a semi-fast song for us that lasted probably 5 or 6 minutes, but it was awesome!!!  We had the floor to ourselves, and I found out later that he has been dancing for 10+ years.  No wonder he was so good and he had moves I didn't know!  He asked me to dance again, to which I happily replied yes!  That night, when I wasn't dancing, I was talking to someone new who approached me!  Way to go Taipei!  I meet and talked with more people from the Taipei scene in that single night then I did in the first four months of being at the Seoul swing scene I think.  It's a little sad, but Koreans are very shy and nervous to speak in English.  That night, the scene celebrated two birthdays, had one semi-jam circle (it only half formed for part of a song, lol), and a random chorus line form which I was part of!  While small and young, I would definitely rate this is a must on any dancers travel list.  :D
The next day I wandered around a local area that Akira recommended to me, which was really nice.  It was simply a downtown local area where kids go to play in water, new bridal couples get photos taken, and river front access with one of the bridges there.  I didn't stay long, as I wanted to go to the National Palace Museum, and planned on coming back later.  Since it was around 1, I figured it was a good time to grab food.  After wandering around, I found a tiny hole in the wall vegetarian place on a back street.  Despite it's location, I was surrounded by locals sitting down and served a delicious meal of noodles with veggies and marina type sauce.  Yum!
Okay, the National Palace Museum.  It houses the largest collection of Chinese art in the world.  I will be the first to admit that I am a huge geek for museums.  When my ex took me to the Chicago Museum of Art, I was in 7th heaven- literally nearly running from one piece of art to another the entire 3 hours we were there.  So naturally, being the nerdy, geeky, museum loving girl I am, I was excited!  By day 3 though, my legs were sore from 2 days straight of walking for about 10 hrs/day, and my heels hurt so bad walking down stairs that I limped.  Therefore, my ability to stand for long periods of time, and my patience of slowly strolling through a large, crowded museum was near 0.  I breezed through that place, WAY faster then I should have!  It just didn't have anything I enjoyed as an artist (mostly pottery, glaze work).  The few rooms with religious relics and calligraphy were my favorites, and I spent the most time there.  There was this crazy long line on the top floor to see some famous jade piece, and when I saw it, I laughed and turned around to start leaving the museum.  I was done, and I knew it.  While unquestioningly it is an excellent collection, it was not for me.  If I had come on a weekday when it was less crowded, I was less tired, I might have enjoyed it more.  But alas, I did not.  I came on a Saturday at the end of a 3 days straight self-walking tour of Taipei!  I rate it highly, but would change when I go next time around.  Don't miss the gardens right next to it though, they are simply beautful and a great stroll with to enjoy the fresh air afterwards!  I spent a fair amount of time there honestly- what can I say?  I love nature!
After a meal at a local restaurant (first sit down meal the entire trip!), some night shots of the bridge and a shower, I collapsed onto the couch and wandered around facebook for a while.  I ended my time in Taiwan by enjoying a fun conversation with Akira, a guy from Hong Kong, and a guy from Malaysia!  I felt like an intellectual, discussing everything from daily life, language differences, to huge political issues, current events, and our opinions of various countries.  You can't experience things like this anywhere else, and I felt very blessed to be able to participate in this modern day salon.  People say the US is a melting pot, but I gotta tell ya, I have meet more people from various parts of the world at hostels and international lindy events that I ever have in the US.  Truely amazing way to end my time.
Sunday morning I said goodbye to this country, and begin making plans for when I could come back next to visit and teach for a few months.  Current list of countries I want to live in: 7.  Number I have succeeded in living in: 2 (soon to be 3).  :)
Taiwan, I grossly underestimated how amazing you are!  I apologize from the bottom of my heart!  Sitting on the plan Wednesday evening, all I could think was how I wished the plan was going to Cambodia (that country stole my heart).  But now that I have seen and experienced your beauty for myself, I can honestly say that you are the best kept secret I've stumbled across so far.  I imagine that there are tons more still to be discovered, but I am patient and they're not going anywhere.  No need to rush life.
和平，爱，& 摇摆舞
丽塔

Taipei Getaway

When my coteacher told me last week that I had off May 23-May 28th last week, I was so excited.  I jumped on my trusted flight search site, looked for the cheapest flights, and found ones for Taipei, Taiwan were super cheap.  Done!  After booking my hostel and finding out where swing dancing was in the city, I didn't really bother with more.  It wasn't until Tuesday night that I finally sat down and made a list of things I wanted to see and do.  Completely different from how I normally do things!  Rather thrilling and exciting honestly!
After I landed, I got directions for which bus to take and was on my way to Taipei!  I felt incredibly awesome to be honest, as buses terrify me, and I can't read or speak a lick of Chinese.  Yeah, strange, I know.  The bus driver was incredibly nice and came to get me when we reached the stop I needed though.  I was able to find the MTR, which is the local subway system, and reach my hostel around 10pm.  (The entrance to the hostel is literally just a door between two stores.  It was deceptively hard to find at first!)  I immediately learned that the woman working the desk had chosen Rita as her English name!  How crazy is that!  I also learned tonight that her favorite dog is the corgi!!!  (for those of you who don't know, that's mine too!)  I spent the evening talking with some of the other guests, and it felt really awesome.  Last night I meet, two Taiwanese women working at the hostel who can both speak English, an American, a Korean who speak a tiny bit of English and fair amount of Chinese, a Japanese who speak Chinese and English, and a Chinese who speaks English.  Wow!  Man, I am slacking!  I gotta get my learning on and pick up at least one language!!!  (I think that will be my intellectual goal for the remainder of the year.)  I knew this place was really going to be awesome though when, after dropping my things off and settling in on the couch, Rita 1 (the hostel Rita.  I am Rita 2.) walked in saying, "Girl time!" while carrying two different nail polishes.  xD  Oh yeah, I love this place!  After hanging out for a little while and speaking with one of the women on places to visit, I crawled into bed and gratefully drifted off to sleep.
Today I headed out to explore the city.  Starting with Longshan Temple across the city, I slowly began to explore the lower corner of Taipei.  The temple was beautiful, intricately detailed and heavily populated with believers coming to worship.  Though not very big, definitely a must-see of the city!  I decided I wanted to try and see the river, so being the crazy foreigner that I am, I began to walk towards the water front!  Keep in mind, I'm one of maybe 5 white Europeans I've seen all day, and a female, walking alone in a part of Taipei I bet no foreigners ever go to.  It was around this time that I began to notice the stares that wouldn't end until I returned to my hostel this evening.  Sadly I couldn't figure out how to reach the river, and I was beginning to feel nervous being so far out honestly after a while.  So, I found a little place on the side of the street for lunch, got this strange, yet deliciously warm, sandwich thing (I was craving street food, what can I say!) before meandering back to the subway.  I explored Chian Kia Sheck Memorial Hall and sat in the shade of a small park nearby sketching one of the pretty trees.  (By the way, London isn't the only city with soldiers who stand still!  There were two soldiers at the entrance to the main building.  They were so still, I couldn't even tell if they were real at first- dead serious!  Even their eyes didn't move from what I could tell!  As I was leaving, I saw a man walk over, remove the rope blocking one of the soldiers off, and pull his uniform straight for him.  It was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen.)
Seeing as how it was crazy hot, I went back to the hostel for a break.  I was invited by Kang to join her and Akira for dinner and shopping at 6pm.  What the hey, why not?!  Since there was still 2 hours, I hopped on a bus and explored an old soldier village near Taipei Building 101.  It was delightfully pretty there.  Surrounding the area are modern buildings, with the 101 building looming just a block away, creating this really neat contrast between city and country.  The area wasn't very big, you could walk through and around the whole place in less then 10 minutes probably.  It's replicated to look like an old soldiers village, just scaled down I think.  There were buildings, most of them empty though and only for appearance.  There was wonderfully grassy areas, big looming trees, and really pretty flowers surrounding the buildings, each with its own brightly colored door.  :)  I even saw not one, but three Taiwanese woman all dressed up in gowns getting professional photo shoots done too.  It was kinda cool.  I've now seen wedding or engagement photo shoots in Angkor Wat, Cambodia; Hoi An, Vietnam; and Taipei, Taiwan!  xD  Something rather awesome about that!  I tried to check out the 101 building, but the wait was 40 minutes, and I wanted to get back and take a shower before dinner.  So I have left that for another day instead.
On my way back to the hostel, I found a butterfly on the sidewalk.  I thought it might be dead at first, but it turned out to be alive and merely needed a little help.  I took it to the side, where it could be protected from the wind a little, and passerby's shoes.  It struggled for a few, crawled around on my hand before gaining enough strength to fly away.  I don't now what it is about butterflies, but they seem to like me.  ^.^
A mini self photo shoot, bus, and shower later, I joined Kang (a Korean woman visiting Taipei) and Akira (a Japanese guy studying Chinese here) for dinner at the local night market.  (Though I didn't know we were going there at first.  I didn't know what we were doing or where we going at all I must admit)  It was really funny watching them speak to each other.  They communicated through Chinese, seemed to argue every 5 minutes, and would occasionally remember I was there.  I didn't mind, and just enjoyed the company.  We idly walked the small night market nearby.  I stood as they argued for about 3 minutes over whether to eat at one open aired buffet style restaurant.  Something about traveling reduces my irritation level to near 0, so I found it entirely amusing.  We finally decided to eat there, and it was good.  On our walk back, I got some fresh squeezed orange juice (literally, I watched them grab oranges, cut them in half, squeeze the orange juice out and pour the juice in a cup!) and Kang got some fresh fruit.  We all shared the fruit, so it was a yummy way to end the evening!
Tomorrow, I think I'll go to the Taipai 101 building and then explore the fisherman's wharf.  In the evening, swing dancing!  :D 
Fantastico!  Me gusta bailar! 
(Some Chinese girl just walked behind me and showed me on skype to her Mom.  Weird . . . and slightly funny . . . I think she's only late teens, wayyyyy early 20's at best.)
Alright, I'm out.  After walking for nearly 10 hours today, I need some rest!
Peace, Love, and Traveling,
Rita

Late night writings

Sweet honest girl,
Learn to play the game.
Sweet honest girl,
You'll never be the same.

Naive blue eyes,
See the world all wrong.
Naive blue eyes,
Unsure where you belong.

Kind gentle one,
You don't understand.
Kind gentle one,
This is no dreamland.

Jaded girl, wise;
Let me in your heart.
Jaded girl, wise;
I'll be your fresh start.
---
Wary rabbit,
Always on my mind.
Wary rabbit,
It's you I long to find.

Woman misused,
Don't run in fear.
Woman misused,
Come close to me, near.

Long-distance friend,
Missing you always.
Long-distance friend,
My heart never strays.

Graceful, confused;
Let us meet tonight.
Graceful, confused;
In dreams, we hold tight.

------
Texted someone, and something they said inspired me.  I haven't written a poem in years, but this just kinda came to me.  I'm not very good with poems, but this seemed to flow.  So I didn't fight it.
I realized tonight that when you find someone you don't mind waiting for, you know you've found someone worth waiting for.
-----
Life in Korea has been good this semester.  Daily life is going well, I'm having troubles with my co-teacher, but that's normal at this point.  Bible study has ended, but my group continues to meet up anyways.  Having some troubles with a friend, but hopefully we'll pull through and salvage our friendship somehow.  A friend from back in the states may be coming to visit, and I'm really hoping he decides to!  It would be awesome to have a friend come here!!!  Uhm, let's see, what else . . .  Oh!  I went swing dancing both Wednesday and Friday this week!  It was great!  I danced almost the entire time both nights!  Though I found out from a guy friend that it's probably because the guys all find me attractive or something based on the shirts I wear.  They're normal western shirts, but no one shows anything below their collar bones here really, or shoulders for that matter.  And I do, so my normal shirts back home are a little scandalous maybe here.  :/  Oh well. 
I think the best way to understand the clash of Western vs. Easter culture is by describing a comic he told me about:
On the left side of the panel is a Korean woman. She is dressed in a high cut shirt, short mini skirt and heals.  On the right is a Western/American woman wearing jeans and a tank top.  A thought bubble coming from both of them, meets at the top of the panel and says "Whore".
In the west, it's okay to show upper torso skin, cleavage and bra straps.  In the east, it's okay to show leg, butt and even panties.  Just differences in culture.
I think it's interesting honestly, wonder how the differences came about.
Alright, bed time over here.  Hope everyone is doing well.
Love you,
Rita

Busan? Pusan? Who cares, it's a beach!

Last week was very stressful for me.  I don't know if my hormones decided to just mess with me for the fun of it, or what, but by Friday afternoon, I was ready to pop.  Thank goodness I had plans to go down south with my friend Sam for the weekend!  One city that my friends and I had all wanted to go was a beach town called Busan (or Pusan, depending upon where you look).  Since my one friends folks are in town for three weeks, she told us she planned to go down with them.  So Sam and I decided we'll go by ourselves, no biggy.  (Later we found out that she had decided to go down the same weekend as us!  At first we thought this was great news, but later found the opposite to be true sadly.)  Sam and I meet up, grabbed some food, and took the slightly slower train down to Busan.  While it was only 5 hours, the ride felt like it took forever, mostly because we would stop every 30 min or so and people stood in the aisle.  Poor Sam kept getting hit with bags since she was in the aisle seat.  We finally dragged our very tired bodies off the train around 11pm, found a taxi, then walked from the subway stop to our hostel.  After 12 failed attempts at contacting our friend to get our room key, she finally woke up enough to hand us our key.  Not gonna lie, we were kinda freaking out.
Despite sleeping in till 9am, we both felt really tired and I know I was incapable of a real conversation until Sam got some tea in me.  We (sort of, but not really) made lunch plan with our friend and her folks before we went off to a water temple.  It was pretty, but most temples look the same after a while, so didn't spend long walking around there.  There was a pretty area where you could sit on rocks and overlook the ocean right next to the temple though.  So we hung out there for a while, Sam just relaxing and me drawing.  A taxi brought us back to town where we had Mexican with our friend and her folks, which was fine.  They went off to a soccer game while we went to the beach!
Ahhhh, the beach.  I never imagined that I would miss something I felt so ambivalent towards growing up.  There's something calming, soothing and reminiscent of home about a beach now.  We just chilled on the steps, taking pictures, people watching, and talking.  We walked around, watched an amature dance competition, then walked around a park area.  We saw a mermaid statue and lighthouse!  :)  There was also a fun suspended bridge on the walk, I wish the whole thing was made that way!  We found a cafe afterwards and (accidentally!) listened in on a conversation next to us, talking about their conversation on Kakao.  Now before you judge us, we live in Seoul, where we never hear English.  When we do, we both still whip around and look for the person speaking in English.  It's so rare, that we are caught off guard understanding others.  So when this guy was speaking in Englilsh Right Next To Us, we couldn't help but listen!  Yeah, I know, weak defense.  Whatever.  :P  Afterwards we read on the beach before meeting up with our friend and her folks.  We walked around one of the largest department stores in the world, enjoyed grass on the roof (no seriously, the roof was covered in grass!  I did cartwheels!), before parting ways to find dinner.  (I'm sorry to say, after parting ways, Sam and I were feeling all the more frustrated with our friend than ever.  I won't go into all of the details, but basically she has stopped communicating with us, making planning very difficult to do.) 
After a delicious meal at Outback, we grabbed tea and basically sat in the common room at the hostel to read for a while.  We tried to wake up for the sunrise, but we either missed it or couldn't see it because of the hill.  We weren't sure, but neither of us were pleased.  We made the hour ride back to the KTX station, walked around an outside market with our friend and her folks, and then grabbed lunch before going home.  I discovered that trains put me to sleep really fast!
All in all, it wasn't a bad trip.  Just not as smooth or enjoyable as I was hoping.
Sam and I are planning a trip to Puerto Princesa, Philippines in late June, and we're both really excited!  We're also looking in going to the World Expo/World Fair in Yeosu, Ulsan and then Jeju before I leave in August.  See my lovely maps?  Red stars are places I've been, blue are ones that I plan on going to within the next year or so.  :) 

Gotta stay positive, life isn't always going to be sunshine and cotton candy you know. 
Love,
Rita

Fragile Beauty

Last Friday, my good friend Tiffany and I meet up to board our 11pm bus.  We were on weekend adventure going to Gyeongju in an attempt to see the elusive and quickly fading cherry blossoms.  Our guide, Warren, was a happy-go-lucky, ever cheerful and energetic, and joyful Korean.  Understanding him was hard at times, but highly entertaining when all else failed.  :)
After sitting on our bus for about 4 hours, talking for about 2 of those, we pulled into our folk village accommodations at roughly 3:30am.  Tired and sore, our group of 45 people stumbled through the darkness to our rooms, piled in, and collapsed onto our floor mats.  When 8am rolled around, we awoke to a beautiful spring day!  Temperatures were at roughly 60 degrees Fahrenheit, the sky was blue, the air was clear, and cherry blossoms were blooming.  Tiffany and I decided that instead of hiking the mountain nearby, we would opt to take bikes and ride around the town all day.  It was perfect, because it meant that we didn't have to wait on anyone, change our plans, or be crowded by a large group.  Beginning with a cherry blossom lined street, we pulled our big cameras and began to take photos.  It was breath taking honestly.  Imagine huge trees, full of little white flowers, creating a beautiful canopy over a small street.  When the wind blew, petals would fall like snow and rain down on you.  It was blissful, calming, and exactly what we had been hoping for!
We biked around two different streets lined with cherry blossoms, and spent nearly two hours there.  We decided that we should get lunch soon though, so we thought we'd pick up a few things at a small grocery store and have a picnic in a park.  Biking along the main road, we passed many restaurants, but no stores.  As we then turned onto side streets, we eventually realized that we weren't going to find a grocery store.  About 30 minutes later, we found a market!  It was nearly 1 by this time, so we were starving.  After we finished, about 30 seconds down the road, we found a Paris Baguette. >.<  Fail.
Either way, we enjoyed our picnic in the park.  When I say park, I really mean grassy area that had big hills which were tombs for former royalty.  Kinda strange, but oddly peaceful.  Then we biked across town and out to a giant park.  It was awesome, though highly crowded.  The oldest astronomy tower in Southeast Asia is here, along with a field of rape flowers (canola flowers) and a small forest of cherry blossom trees.  The flowers were BEAUTIFUL!  I've never been in a field of flowers before; it had always been a dream of mine.  Imagine being able to walk out into the midst of yellow flowers calf high, sit down, and surround yourself with their beauty.  In the background are big trees covered with cherry blossoms, and the calming sound of little bees buzzing around.  As strange as it sounds, I was really happy that I could enjoy it with my friend and not a boy.  Now, not matter what happens in life, that moment and experience can ever be dampened.  If it was with a boy, then there's a chance that memory would have been stained by a break-up, fight, etc.  We biked up and around the forest, enjoying some challenging mini-hills.  We found our way to a lake where we chilled out and just sat talking for a while.  There was this one moment when a strong breeze came across the park.  It hit the cherry blossom tree nearby and the flowers started falling so thickly that it looked like this massive wall.  It was downright one of the most beautiful things I've seen in Korea.  Nothing compares to the beauty and calm that I feel to sitting under a big tree, talking with a dear friend, and enjoying nature's beauty. 
Sadly, in the shade of the tree, and without our jackets, we got cold faster than we were hoping/planning.  We walked around the small lake before trying to decide what to do.  It was only about 5pm, and we had another 3 hours to kill.  Only problem was that we had seen everything already.  We debated going out to the tourist area, but changed our minds quickly when we found out it was nearly an hour bike ride away!  We decided to chill out a mall, out of the heat and sun!  Of course, we had no luck finding the mall, because the mall was not your typical mall (think less big building, and more a string of shops outside next to each other).  Then, miraculously, by sheer accident, we found it.  We pulled into a Pizza Hut, were shown our booth, and collapsed.  For about 2 hours.
We were sunburned (pretty bad), exhausted from the heat, dehydrated, and just plain tired.  We managed to rouse ourselves enough to go back to the bus in time for our transport to the pension. 
Sunday morning there was a sunrise walk we could have done, but when our alarm rang at 4:30am, we both said no-way before collapsing back into a stupor.  Since we were slow moving in the morning, we left after the 9am walk to the temple and had to find our own way.  That was okay with us, because the area in front of the temple was a small park/forest of cherry blossoms!  :D  Why yes, we were in heaven, again!  We pulled ourselves away long enough to see the temple in about 15 minutes before walking back to the park.  After the temple, we drove up to a place called the grotto.  As we were both pretty low on cash, we just sat outside of the entrance and talked about future travel plans before leaving Korea.  Around 12:30, we headed out to our last stop before our long drive to Seoul.  Since almost half the tour group piled into this tiny restaurant for lunch while the other half hiked for a short bit, it took almost an hour to order and receive our food.  Tiffany and I are used to a very specific lunch schedule at school, and having to wait until nearly 1:45/2 was taking its toll on us.  She felt nauseas, and I had a massive headache.  When our food did come, we wolfed it down in under 2 minutes. 
Around 2:30, all 45 of us climbed back on to our bus and began the long journey back to Seoul.  While it only took 4 hours to get to Gyeongju, it always takes nearly double the time to return.  You may be asking why.  The reason is that nearly 25 million people live in Seoul, or around the city proper.  Imagine Labor Day weekend, or Thanksgiving Sunday traffic, but every weekend.  It's horrible.
We didn't arrive until nearly 9:30, by which time Tiffany and I had HAD it with the bus.  I made it home around 10:15ish.  I was tired, hungry (since we didn't stop for dinner), and sunburned.  Never a good combo.
Overall, the weekend was amazing though.  Truly wonderful and perfect.  I'd do it again, only this time with the KTX.  :)
Love,
Rita

The Road Not Taken

Last night over a plate of fried chicken, I enjoyed a long conversation with one of my closest friends here in Korea about life.  Through the cigarette smoke and sound of k-pop in the background, we shared our plans for the future and philosophy on life.
My interest in joining the Peace Corps had been reignited by this woman and I revealed my long term plans to her.  While others I'm sure would laugh or say my dreams are impossible, she didn't.  I shared that after my time in China, I want to go home for 6 months before joining the Peace Corps working in either Cambodia or Africa.  After that, I'd pursue my masters in the US before venturing back out to work/live in either Cambodia or Africa (choosing the one I wasn't placed at with the P.C.).  I'd then end by living in Europe for a year or two.  She confirmed that by that time, I'd be about 30, to which I laughed and said "yup".  She laughed saying she didn't have that kind of time, but was honest saying that she still felt called to live in the world, especially Africa.  For her, she's returning to Canada to only save money, not to resume her previous life.  We agreed that life is better lived alone of the world than married and never of the world.  A half life at home is a fate worse then death, though we do both long to share our adventures with a husband and family.  A mediocre life in the West or an adventure filled life out there, in the wide unknown world?  Which would you want?  In the past three months, I've traveled to two countries, and begun planning my move to a third country.  I would rather experience this over a regular teaching job any day. 
As our conversation progressed, I confided in my friend how out of place I felt in the beginning.  I would look at all my friends back home, seeing them follow the traditional path of school, job family, etc.  While here I am, off in the dense woods where there is no path, searching with binoculars just to find some high ground.  She laughed and said she felt the same way.  I said I wouldn't change this for the world though, and she agreed whole-heartedly.  Even with the first six months feeling like a living hell with my depression sometimes, she said "Well, no.  That's why we're here right?"  I love how well she gets it.
Despite our desire to find love, we both agreed that we'd rather end up a single mother adopting from Africa then married and tethered to somewhere that makes us unhappy.  Just makes me wonder what causes some people to long to spend years from their home country, while others are so happy to stay put?  Where do the differences come from?  Is there some sort of genetic predisposition that sets people like my friends and I apart?  A gene that creates this need, longing, desire, to roam the world?  Is it an environmental thing?  Something our parents instilled in us?  Is it a cultural thing?  Though this I doubt, as my two closest friends here, who both want to live of the world, are from Canada and South Africa, while I'm from the US.  I'm just curious as to where it comes from.  I once dated a man, and as much as I loved him with all my heart, there was always a few things we could never agree on.  One was his lack of a desire to leave his hometown.  I simply was never able to wrap my mind around this fact.  How could someone not want to travel, see the world?  At the time, living abroad had never entered my mind beyond college though.  My mind had not considered this idea yet.  It wasn't something I knew I could even do until I saw a girl I was friends with do it herself here in Korea for 2 years.  All the sudden, my mind had stretched to a new level.  I could live abroad for a year, and be payed to do it!  Then, my mind was stretched again- what if I continued living abroad, joining organizations or companies I support, to work for them for a year or two?  Once I asked myself this question, pondered the possibilities, realized that I could, in fact, do it and had the strength for it, I changed forever.

"Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Before I knew it, I was looking at teaching in China, volunteering in India, living/volunteering in Cambodia, teaching in Africa and Europe over the span of 4 years.  Staying in the US, when chances and opportunities lingered in front of me like unanswered prayers to become the strong, independent, secure, brave and beautiful woman I always longed to be: how could I ever, in a million years, consider passing them up without at least trying for them?  I feel like I was made of a different cloth than most.  Maybe that sounds like I'm bragging or have a big head, but I swear I don't.  (ask anyone who's known me for a few years, and they'll tell you how quiet I am about things I do and don't talk about myself much).  I just feel different from most of my friends.  yes, they want to travel, but very few I know actually long to live overseas.  If they do, less than half pursue the opportunities that are there to do so.  (In fact, only two of my friends from before Korea have pursued jobs overseas)  I don't blame them- it can be damn hard living overseas.  You're lonely, it hurts, you miss birthdays, events and spend holidays alone half the time.  You will cry your heart out at least once, no matter who you are.  I don't want to just live overseas though, I want to give back.  I can't wait for next year, when I'll get to spread the bible in China!  And then the thought of volunteering at Mother Teresa's House for the dying in Calcutta India is both amazing and terrifying to me that I can't wait to jump in!  And then dedicating myself for two years to teaching students and developing communities somewhere in Cambodia or Africa?  I could die from joy and happiness at the thought!  On the outside at first, I appear shy, sarcastic, and serious.  But ask those who've known me for a long time and they'll tell you that I act like a mother to most, and have a very soft heart.  I was made to love.  And if loving the world means serving the world until I die, then I would do so happily.  Life is about more than money, security and comfort of the known.  Sometimes it's about change,  fear, leaps of faith, trying and failing and just living.
I do want to say though, that while I feel one is wrong for me, that doesn't mean that it's wrong for everyone.  There are people who need to stay home, develop the home country and live there.  Someone has to keep the porch light burning for those of us who leave for distant lands, that way we can remember how to get home.  It's not that it's the wrong path for everyone, just the wrong path for me.
Sometimes I really miss friends back home, and long to join them having fun or going on their adventures.  The sadness eats at me, and I usually struggle with doubts of being forgotten at least once a week honestly.  But I am learning how to battle the demons within, conquer my doubts and find happiness in the life I've created for myself.  The secret, I've realized is allowing Korea to become my new home and creating a life for myself here.  I have to stop thinking that it's a temporary thing.  Once I did this, filled my schedule with things to do, I immediately noticed a difference.  I began to feel different.  My happiness increased, and my depression decreased.  I found myself smiling more and frowning less, my heart started shining more frequently and sinking in sadness less.  It's taken me longer than most folks (no surprise there as I have always been a late bloomer), but I did it.  It took me leaving the US, finding a route through the dense forest, and climbing a crazy mountain before I got to a clearing at the top that  I realized I wasn't alone.  But I'm doing it.  And I'm doing it with girls who were cut from the same cloth as me.
What kind of cloth are you made from?
The Tortoise,
Rita

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Weekend Runaway

Friday afternoon, had you been watching Deok Won Girls High School at 4pm on the dot, you would have seen a short girl in a bright red coat sneaking out of school. I had a flight to catch, and little time to get there. I was off to Phnom Penh, Cambodia for the scene's first ever swing exchange, along with my first ever international swing exchange. Let me say first, that I am my own worst enemy. I was so focused on the little time that I had that I got on the train heading in the wrong direction! >.< My flight was due to take off at 6:20, which meant I had no time to lose. I arrived at the airport at 5:20 to the sound of an announcer calling for those on flight KE 689 to Phnom Penh needing to board immediately. Though confused, I just assumed something strange had happened and they'd moved up the flight time or something. As you can imagine, I was freaking out! I hadn't gotten my ticket, gone through security, or walked across the rather massive airport that Incheon is! I ran to the counter and told the lady my destination trying to not yell in my panic. She laughed and explained that the call was only for those wanting to pick their seats, that's all. I still had plenty of time, as boarding didn't begin till 6, I just couldn't choose where I wanted to sit. I breathed a huge sigh of relief!!! After changing my money over and waiting to get through the ridiculous line, I make it to my plane while they are boarding. The doors close behind me after about 5 minutes, and I laugh in joy knowing that I made it! I was off to one of my two favorite countries in the whole world, to do one of my favorite things in the whole world- dance. What more could a girl ask for?!
I was the very last person to register for CLX (Cambodia Lindy Exchange), along with the last to show up. I walked into the Chinese House (a restaurant with a dance floor) at 10:30pm, threw off my jacket and dove right into what I knew was going to be the most amazing swing dancing event since moving to Korea! I danced my little heart out on that sticky crowded floor until 1am when the music had to end, sharing in laughs, awesome swing dances, and crazy modern dances with people from literally all over the world- Vietnam, Switzerland, England, Japan, Korea, Cambodia, China, Thailand, Mayalysia, Luxemburg, the US, Canada, France, Germany, and more. That night was better than almost every night I've had here. (the main reason is because they were foreigners who I could talk to and were creative! Korea, I love you, but stop trying to be perfect and get creative with your dances!)
Saturday morning I woke up after about 5 hours of sleep, walk to the pool side restaurant for breakfast, and take a look around at what was to be my home for the weekend. The Plantation Resort and Spa is beautiful, an intricate maze that seculdes its' guests from the outside world, providing comfort and beauty in one. I began chit-chatting with a really cool Canadian girl who was moving back home from Vietnam after a little while too. She invited me to join her at the pool, which I was more than happy to accept, as it was quickly getting warm out! Half of the CLX crew went sight-seeing, but the rest of us stayed to enjoy the glorious warm water, talk with folks from all over (or catch up as most of them knew each other already. The Asia swing scene is small for expats). We enjoyed the delicious free brunch, and simply took in the beautiful day. It was really nice sitting doing nothing, when for the past two weeks I had been non-stop going from 6:30am until usually 11:30pm. The rest was dearly welcomed! While the lindy bomb (a bunch of dancers who show up at a predecided location for a surprise dance attack in a city) was cancelled due to questionable weather, we didn't mind.
As time rolled close, we all got dressed and boarded our bus to the docks where we had a private boat waiting for us. With delicious Cambodian food provided by our hosts (who were amazing!), we launched onto the Mekong Delta and blues/lindy hopped to a live band. Talk about amazing! I got to meet and talk with even more folks from all over, learning about so many other countries and people, enjoying the live music and setting sun around us. As we turned around and began making our way back, the few buildings that Phnom Penh has began to light up. Oh yes, it was awesome! After grabbing a quick bite with some folks, I got changed and headed to the dance.

 *disclaimer* All photos taken by Tram Greenfirefly


I'm in this photo, I swear!  Can you spot me?

   For my non-dancer friends, Saturday night is always the night for dancing. Everyone dresses up, there are usually decorations (if there's a theme, then folks may dress according to that as well), a professional photographer for nice photos, along with a live band. CLX had all of this on their first event, and it was great!


I was unhappy with the group photo I took, so I decided to take a solo one.  I like it more.  :)



I got my picture taken as you can see, and despite the overly slippery floor, did my best to enjoy. (I loved my stockings!) Surprinsgly, this wasn't my favorite dance. The slippery floor changed my dancing and caused me to feel nervousness and hesitation. It happens sometimes sadly, and I think I was also becoming overwhelmed by all of the people constantly as well honestly. I spent a majority of time watching folks dance then I did dancing this time around, but did get asked to dance by my favorites which made me happy. (it's always nice when people seek you out, you know?) ;)


I'm in this too, but my back is to the camera.  :(

 After the dance, a few folks headed to late night. It started at a later time then folks are used to (2am instead of 1am), so not many were there. I went for about 2 hours though, talking with a nice Canadian guy and dancing barefoot in the penthouse to great blues songs I haven't heard in months. That night I really began to develop some friendships that I hope will last like some of my others have. :)
Sunday I woke up after 6 hours of sleep before heading to the brunch dance at the FCC. It was a great little restaurant that had a perfect space for eating and dancing. The live band was phenomenal, playing and singing live English and French songs to us for almost 4 hours. The covering provided the perfect relief from the sun and the river side breeze kept us cool (or me at least, since I'm used to the heat. Other folks found it hot, but I thought it was perfect! Lol!) Even on the last day, I was meeting people. This was the day I meet one of my favorite dancers from the weekend (shout out to Michel! Ladies, dance with this guy, he's A-mazing!) and enjoyed even more with my remaining favorites (Jerry, Eric, Fred, Martin, Jean, and Michael). Awesome awesome dance. I took tons of photos of this one too, as it was the one and only dance that took place in the daytime. Personally I hate the way photos look in the evening time when I take them, so I hadn't taken as many as I usually do. This is where I had my favorite conversation with a lead too. He wandered by my table, and since there were only 3 or us taking photos with more professional cameras, recognized me. He asked if he could look at my photos. I said sure, but warned that I hadn't taken many. After turning my camera on, he looked at me confused and said there were nearly 300 photos on my camera. I laughed and said yes, but I've taken way more before. It was funny. (After coming back, I felt like I hadn't taken nearly enough still by the way. Funny no?) When the dance ended almost an hour after it was supposed to (the band was so freakin' awesome to keep playing for us!), I went to an ice cream shop and enjoyed some delicious cool treats with a few other folks. Back at our hotel, I was convinced to change into my bathing suit and join the others in the pool. Soooo worth carrying wet clothes by the way! All of the CLX crew just chilled for the next hour or two, soaking in the sun and perfect combination of hot, humid evening air with warm pool water.
That night was the last night, and the small exchange had begun to dwindle with folks leaving for work, continuing their travels by going to Siem Reap, or whatnot. After grabbing some dinner with a few folks from the Vietnam scene, I hopped in a tuk-tuk and got my little butt dancing for 2 more hours before I had to leave. Man, I really didn't want to leave! The dancers, music, and country were all so amazing and wonderful. As I announced on facebook, I really was loath to say goodbye. After some fantastic dances with some of the best dancers I've meet (personality and skill wise), I said farewell far to quickly to not enough of them before running down to my cab. (There was confusion over my taxi, so I didn't get to say goodbye to a lot of folks actually, and I really regret not making the taxi wait instead.) :(
At the Phnom Penh airport, I saw that our flight was delayed by 20 minutes. That could very well mean we land 20 minutes late, which would put me in Seoul at 6:50am and not 6:30am. That was nearly my whole window I had given myself to make it through customs and the walk through the airport, on top of the hour I needed for the ride to school. Remarkably, after my intial concern, I felt calm and unconcerned about it. I somehow didn't feel fear. To my delight, the flight somehow landed at 6:15, earlier then if we had left on time! In my red-eye flight, swing dance weekend induced sleep coma, I mistakenly transfered trains going the wrong way halfway through though! Lol, I thought it was hilarious, and thanked God that my school always has a morning meeting that runs way late on Mondays. I just slipped in the back and no-one noticed, so yay! The weekend was all-around amazing honestly. There were a few stiff or frustrating parts with one individual who insisted on acting like an ass, but I choose to ignore him and enjoy myself. I was happy to see his back as he left early Sunday afternoon honestly, and enjoy the rest of the event all by myself. Thanks Robyn for allowing your first swing event to be mine too, I couldn't have asked for a greater place to make my appearance to the international scene!
Dancing to my own tune,
Rita

 P.S.- I'm pretty sure I was one of the youngest, if not the youngest, dancers there. I felt so proud of that silly little fact honestly. I'm doing so much, so young, and no one can take that away from me. It will always be mine. And no matter what other people may say to me, how they make try to make me feel, or the way they may act towards me, I know that I have the best friends a girl could ask for supporting me every step of the way.
 P.P.S.- I left Seoul with straight hair. After only 30 minutes of being in Cambodia, it turned curly. It was curly all weekend and when I landed Monday, because of sleeping on it and brushing it out, it turned wavy. And now, it's straight again. Pretty crazy if you ask me!

"Every time I hear you say hello, all I see is yellow"

After arriving back in Hanoi, our group of 15 split up and went out into that crazy capital city to find food. We were taking an overnight train to get to Hue (pronounced hway) that night, and they didn't provide dinner. I went out with the young British couple and the solo british girl (all of who I would later give up trying to hang out with, as I didn't click with any of them!). Basically, we all grabbed various types of food and/or alcohol for the long 8 hour ride. I grabbed Vietnemese version of ramen, lol! Now, I've never been on an overnight train. The longest was one hour when I was little, just for fun. So this was really new for me. I bunked with the older british couple and the Iranian woman living in Australia. They were all really cool, and I liked hanging with them. We called it a night before all the others I think, going to bed around 10ish. (I didn't have jet lag, but I wasn't sleeping well, so I was really tired most days) Before bed, I went to the bathroom like most everyone in the world does. That bathroom was the grossest thing I have ever smelled. Period. I wanted to gag, and I have a pretty high smell tolerance honestly. Just, gross. After that, I was ready to go to sleep. Climbing up to the top bunk was fun though, being only 5'3, lol! Think: rock climbing. What can I use to pull/push off of to get up? Heh. Anyways, I slept great till about 4am, when the advertisment sign in the room turned on! >.< You have GOT to be kidding me! Needless to say, I didn't sleep any more. Around 8am, we pull in to Hue train station for a full 5 minutes before the train pulled away again. Made our way to the hotel, where I had a beautiful room all to myself!!! It was the nicest hotel the whole trip, and even though it was only for 1 night, I was in bliss. Oh yes, happy me! I went and grabbed breakfest with the three younger british folks, walking around before coming back and trying to check out the pool. It was freezing, so that was a no-go. We went out to lunch at a Buddhist monestary though, so that's okay. The food was amazingly delicious, and I didn't walk away hungry! It was all vegetarian and glutton-free friendly, which was pretty amazing. We then spent the afternoon walking around old tombs and former palaces. Our guide was amazing, telling us her personal story from during the Vietnam war, things he had seen and events he had experienced. He was lively, amazing and just the best guide I have ever had anywhere. That night, I wandered by myself. I had dinner in this great litle restaurant overlooking the street from the second floor. Yummy nummy food! Then I meandered down to the river side to check out the bridge, nicknamed the rainbow bridge. At night, it lights up various colors. It was pretty, and the riverside walk area was full of folks. I stumbled upon a local market too, which made me really happy. There were stall after stall of toys, clothes, shoes, scarves, trinkets, and art work. Why yes, I was very happy! After returning to my hotel, I layed in bed and just watched tv. It was delicious! Don't ask me why, but I now equate watching tv with vacation. (I watch online shows or movies, but not regularly or often.) Yeah, I'm weird. The next morning, we boarded a small bus and began the four hour drive to Hoi An, the beautiful river/ocean side city you have all seen so many pictures of. It's the gorgeous town where all the buildings are painted yellow? Yeah, that one. During our drive, we had to make our way up, over and then down some mountains. I don't know about you, but I LOVE mountains. Like Woah crazy love! So I sat in my single seat, listened to my podcast book and just enjoyed the drive. We stopped at the top for a bathroom break, where the Vietnemese woman were so anxious to sell to us, that they practically came on our bus to start selling stuff before we got off! Crazy? Just a bit. I ignored them as politely as I could (Warning: Do not engage at all costs! Avoid partaking in verbal communications! They will latch you in this way!) and just walked around taking pictures. Walked up to some old American bunkers, ohing and ahing in my dorky way at the history in front of me. After another 2 hours on the bus, we finally arrived at our destination. This time I was rooming with the Iranian woman living in Australia. She was nice, though took for-freakin'-ever in the shower. Our whole group went out for lunch, which was really nice. I then walked around with the solo british girl, which was nice. We got along okay, but not great. We explored this gorgeous little town together. Almost all of the buildings are painted this beautiful yellow, with flowers and plants overhanging the porches. The streets were alive with motorbikes and women trying to sell fruit to the tourists. The river bordered the town, and the beach meet it as well on the end. People were friendly, and everything was done by bargaining. The better you could bargain, the different bag you would get (quite tricky of them, as this would then tell other vendors what kind of buyer you are!) It was a really lovely little town, though limited to mostly tailoring shops for clothes and shoes. After walking around and getting lost (whoops, my bad!), we enjoyed a swim in the pool. Touch cold, but we pushed through and both did laps. I had been missing swimming more then I knew honestly, and really loved that! I went back the third day after that while staying in Hoi An just to enjoy the swimming pool. Dinner was at a little local place, where I enjoyed some fun conversations with the Aussies. They were a riot, and I really liked Maria! Probably old enough to be my mom, but her and the other three were just down right cool and fun. They got my sarcasm and knew my quietness didn't mean I wasn't interested in the conversation. Sadly, I think my dinner didn't agree with me, as the next day I wasn't feeling well. See, I had decided to go on a bike ride with the Aussies in the morning. It was nice, though a bit disappointing, as we spent more time biking somewhere then actually being there. After returning, I walked around for a bit, but my stomach began to hurt progressively worse. Around 4:30, I managed to return to my room where I changed into pj's and just layed in bed. I slept from about 5pm to 8am! I don't know what hit me, or why, but oie it hurt and man it knocked me out. My last day I was determined to see more of the town, so I grabbed my good camera and simply walked. The town was quiet for once, with no motor bikes honking or crowding the streets at 9am, no street vendors and shop owners asking me to buy something yet. It was still sleepy and quiet. I loved it. I got to watch it wake up, and just walked everywhere one block at a time. Almost the whole town is dedicated to custom tailoring, so shop after shop were full of fabrics and sample clothes. Some stores were dedicated to shoes and making shoes, other's to hats and handbags. It was a delight to the eyes, full of colors, designs, and shapes, with delightful sunshine lighting the way. Right to sunburn for me. >.< Whoops? I even bought sunscreen in the US, since Korea doesn't sell it, just for Vietnam! Oh well, my shoulders are almost all back to normal now. That afternoon I went for my swim, read my book, and just took in the gorgeous day. Some of us gathered for the final night in Hoi An at a local place to have dinner together. It was a great way to end our three days here. The next day we were due to fly to Ho Chi Minh City/Saigon for 2 days! More on this later. Love and all that jazz, Rita

Goooooooood Morning Vietnam!

After maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep due to spending the night on the phone with a friend, I arrived at MCO 5:45 am to depart for Seoul, South Korea. My flight was due to take off at 7:30am Sunday morning and land at 9:30pm Monday night. My flight to LA was delayed. Not good, as that meant I could miss my two remaining connections, as well as my flight to Vietnam the following morning. Before I knew it, I was changed to a new flight. As the woman behind the counter handed me my tickets, she said I better hurry, as they're boarding now. :O I look at my parents, we walk to security, and see a line with at least a 10 minute wait. In 15 minutes, my plane was taking off from the ground. I hugged my parents, said good bye, and walked to a security guard. Explaining my situation, and even though I hate it when others do this, I asked if I could skip to the front of the line. He let me, and I literally walked straight from security on to my plane. Plus side? I landed at 4 pm instead of 9:30 pm. Monday morning, I made the 45 min trek back to Incheon and flew out to Vietnam at 10:30am. I'll admit, I was nervous at first, being one of 2 Non-Asian people on the plane. Before I knew it, I was whisked away to my hotel in Hanoi. After dropping my things off, I grabbed my little back pack and good camera to explore the capital of this forbidden and hotly disputed country. -- Hanoi This capital is just like any capital- big, loud, crowded and dirty. There are scooters Everywhere! I'll admit, it did not strike a huge hit with me, and I was not sorry that we were leaving the next morning for Halong Bay. Granted, I didn't land in time to go to any museums or cool sites, so that biases my view a little. Yeah, that's all I have to say about the city. Oh, the one cool thing is that Hanoi has the longest mosaic wall in the world. That night we had our orientation meeting. There was a brother and sister with their wife and husband from Canada. Two brothers with their wives from Australia, a married couple from Britain, an engaged couple from Britain, a solo girl from Britain, a solo woman from Australia. It was interesting, and I really enjoyed meeting the Aussies during the tour. I also loved the british married couple, as they were exactly like me, low key, quiet, enjoyed the local life of towns we went to, etc. We all had dinner together that night, and after grabbing food for the boat trip in Halong Bay, I grabbed coffee/tea with the Aussies while the others went our for drinks. And thus, the beginning of what was to be the style of the trip, began! I didn't fit in with the younger 3 at all. Couldn't connect. Really disliked the fact that they would go out drinking almost every night. Nothing crazy where they were drunk, but all the same. I'm just not much of a drinker, don't see the point in it. Anyways. The second day we hopped in a van and made the 4 hour drive to the mysterious and beautiful Halong Bay. Me, being the ditz that I am, forgot my wallet in my suitcase (we all left our big bags, as we were only going to be on the boat for one night) Thankfully I didn't need it, as this part of the tour was all included. Whew! It was misty, crowded with boats, and just a touch cool- but I loved it! The boat was amazing, perfect sized bedrooms, and the most delicious food I've had in a while. We were served 9 or 10 course meals full of seafood that were just scrumptious! And we just slowly made our way through the beautiful area. The mist made it hard to see far way, and the small mountain islands loomed overhead at us, and the numerous other boats. We explored some of the largest caves in the world, and were granted the most magnificent overlook after climbing to the top. We lounged on the boat the evening after dinner, and just enjoyed a quiet night of relaxtion on the water. In the morning, we hiked to the top of Tree Top Mountain. It's supposed to offer a gorgeous view of the surrounding islands, but alas, our dear friend the mist was in the way again. I didn't mind, and it got me a workout too. :) We slowly motored back to the town before leaving our beautiful boat. I was sorry to say goodbye, as Halong Bay was my favorite part of the trip I think. That night, we were to embark on our third, but not last, form of transportation while traveling in Vietnam: the train. But! More to come later! For now, I must be off to do actual work for my job. ;) Love, Rita

Home again Home again, Jiggity Jig

On February 4th, I fly home to my glorious and beautiful Florida and spent two luxorious weeks there. My Dad was waiting for me with sunflowers, one of our songs, and chick-fil-a. I ran to meet him as I walked through the final gap between us and we just stood there hugging each other for a good 5 minutes. It was heaven. <3 My time home was honestly exactely what I needed. I got to sleep (even if poorly for the first week thanks to jet lag), have my favoarite food and be with family and friends. Since it's late and I'm feeling tired, I'm going to give you the highlights of the trip. (Hey, I still have to write about Vietnam!) Highlights include: Islands of Adventure with my Dad -Making fun of tourists with my Dad at said place -Painting pots with my Mom -Catching up with one of my best friends Jacqui -Hanging out with Andrew (man that boy is a talker! Lol!) -Seeing my old friends at Tally -Introducing two people who became friends -Fun times with James and Lauren -Bonding with said new old friend Lauren -Swing Dancing at FSU (ahhhh, my old love) -Getting to catch up with Adam -Spending some time with Alex (yay for best friends :) ) -Fixing my teeth!!! Yay! -Playing with my kids at Morning Star -Interviewing for China -Meandering around Mount Dora with my folks before going to horse back riding with them and my brother -Seeing and hanging out with my oldest friend! :D -Having dinner with Tracy (man that girls a riot) -Attending a Shakespear play with my Mom -Going to the zoo with Richard (he loves Kangaroos now. How am I to keep up?) -Lunch at my favorite German restaurant! -Playing with Leeland and other puppys at the park -Talking with my usher after church (I'm his new girlfriend! Oh la la!) -Not experiencing jet lag flying back to Korea -Having my flights to Korea changed so that I got home at 4pm instead of 9:30pm! And that's all I've got. As you can tell, it was a very busy schedule! Some days I would go home for an hour or less before having to leave for another appointment or engagment. It was a little busy, and I loved it till the end. But if I had to do it all over again, I would in a heart beat. I love everyone at home, and miss the way you guys love me unconditionally and understand my strange humor and quirks. It makes me feel accepted and wonderful. Thanks for that. Honestly and seriously. You guys give me the fuel and happiness I need to continue on doing what I'm doing, knowing you'll always be there to support and encourage me. Thinking of a few in particular, who have really been there, helped me out when I needed it, or just taken the time to talk to me while I've been away. Every little bit means something to me, really truely. For now, I'm off. I have a bike ride around the town, into an island and out to some country areas tomorrow morning. Then after that, I'm thinking of finding my way to the beach and enjoying some swimming time out in the ocean. I'm rather excited about it! I'm finally finding my grove in the group I think; mostly with the older folks on my tour if you can believe it. I think my quietness is accepted more, and my sarcasm understood better. :) But more on Vietnam later, I promise. Much love to all, and to all, a good night. Rita

I need Clarity

"I need clarity and truth to be
And peace to make me whole
I want freedom to come and hate to be done
And love to guide my soul

I want love, yeah, I want love"
From Shawn McDonald's song Clarity

It's my last day here in Cambodia, and I'm at a loss of what to do with myself.  I don't want to face the fact that I'm going to be leaving honestly, I love it here.  The heat, humidity, nature all around- it makes me so very happy.  It feels comfortable here, and thinking about going back to Seoul where everything is buildings and I get excited on the occasions that I see grass (because they are so rare) makes me sad.  I realize being here that I don't feel at home there.  I feel unhappy and lonely.  I feel more happy here, and I think I need to look into that.
Next year I may end up teaching in China if I am lucky/blessed.  The program is a special one, and while I can't say much about the specifics, I can say this:  the idea of having a community again, one where everyone believes in the same thing and hold similar beliefs, is something I will look forward to greatly.  I long for a community, a fellowship, with others.  I need that connection more dearly and desperately then I can explain.  Without it, I am floating, lost in a sea of temptation and fear.
Yesterday I was talking with a friend.  I joked that I wished their state was closer to mine, so that we could hang out for a day while I am home.  He said he couldn't afford to fly down or take the time to drive either, but reminded me that I do have a free round trip ticket I could use.  Before I knew it, I was looking up flights and options.  After he left for bed, I went up to my room, turned out my tv, and chilled out for the night.  I found myself getting giddy with anticipation, and doing the funny thing I do whenever I have tons of excitement.  Then I stopped- I was feeling this way over the idea of seeing him.  Him.  I couldn't help but bury my face into my pillow and begin to wonder why.  Why, after so long, did I still feel this way?  I can't understand myself and my ever persistent desire to see this man every chance I have.  It doesn't make any logical sense to me, especially considering that I know the actual odds of us ending up together are less then 5% in reality.  I plan on continuing to work abroad for at least another year, possibly three more.  Studying for a graduate degree in DC before hopefully working there.  My life is taking me around the world and his isn't.  Yet I still find myself caving in and running to him whenever he suggests the opportunity to.  Why God, can I not be satisfied with my life of solitude?  Why do I push away and turn down a man who WANTS to be in my life?  Why can I not be satisfied with this man who adores me, is there for me at ever request, who cares for me like crazy instead of the one who doesn't?  Why instead do I desire someone else?  Especially someone who leaves me hurting and in pain after every encounter?  What is wrong with me, and why do I do this to myself?  I wish I could understand.  I left the US to find myself, to heal, to strengthen my relationship with God.  I realize now that I am only just beginning.  It was take a lot of time and many, many screw-ups before I reach my final goal of being close to God, talking with Him on a daily basis, and turning to Him in everything I do.
I hope I can find the right path.  Please pray for me as I continue on this walk of learning and faith.  I need all the guidance I can get.
Contemplative,
Rita