Seoul, South Korea

Seoul, South Korea

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Monday, January 30, 2012

I need Clarity

"I need clarity and truth to be
And peace to make me whole
I want freedom to come and hate to be done
And love to guide my soul

I want love, yeah, I want love"
From Shawn McDonald's song Clarity

It's my last day here in Cambodia, and I'm at a loss of what to do with myself.  I don't want to face the fact that I'm going to be leaving honestly, I love it here.  The heat, humidity, nature all around- it makes me so very happy.  It feels comfortable here, and thinking about going back to Seoul where everything is buildings and I get excited on the occasions that I see grass (because they are so rare) makes me sad.  I realize being here that I don't feel at home there.  I feel unhappy and lonely.  I feel more happy here, and I think I need to look into that.
Next year I may end up teaching in China if I am lucky/blessed.  The program is a special one, and while I can't say much about the specifics, I can say this:  the idea of having a community again, one where everyone believes in the same thing and hold similar beliefs, is something I will look forward to greatly.  I long for a community, a fellowship, with others.  I need that connection more dearly and desperately then I can explain.  Without it, I am floating, lost in a sea of temptation and fear.
Yesterday I was talking with a friend.  I joked that I wished their state was closer to mine, so that we could hang out for a day while I am home.  He said he couldn't afford to fly down or take the time to drive either, but reminded me that I do have a free round trip ticket I could use.  Before I knew it, I was looking up flights and options.  After he left for bed, I went up to my room, turned out my tv, and chilled out for the night.  I found myself getting giddy with anticipation, and doing the funny thing I do whenever I have tons of excitement.  Then I stopped- I was feeling this way over the idea of seeing him.  Him.  I couldn't help but bury my face into my pillow and begin to wonder why.  Why, after so long, did I still feel this way?  I can't understand myself and my ever persistent desire to see this man every chance I have.  It doesn't make any logical sense to me, especially considering that I know the actual odds of us ending up together are less then 5% in reality.  I plan on continuing to work abroad for at least another year, possibly three more.  Studying for a graduate degree in DC before hopefully working there.  My life is taking me around the world and his isn't.  Yet I still find myself caving in and running to him whenever he suggests the opportunity to.  Why God, can I not be satisfied with my life of solitude?  Why do I push away and turn down a man who WANTS to be in my life?  Why can I not be satisfied with this man who adores me, is there for me at ever request, who cares for me like crazy instead of the one who doesn't?  Why instead do I desire someone else?  Especially someone who leaves me hurting and in pain after every encounter?  What is wrong with me, and why do I do this to myself?  I wish I could understand.  I left the US to find myself, to heal, to strengthen my relationship with God.  I realize now that I am only just beginning.  It was take a lot of time and many, many screw-ups before I reach my final goal of being close to God, talking with Him on a daily basis, and turning to Him in everything I do.
I hope I can find the right path.  Please pray for me as I continue on this walk of learning and faith.  I need all the guidance I can get.
Contemplative,
Rita

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Mud Walk, Lunch with Ants, and Screaming Children

Yesterday I went to a Cambodian village.  Even though it only lies 10 minutes outside of town, we entered an entirely different world.  Once we got there, we unloaded, learned how they use plastic water bottles in order to build buildings (way cool!) and then road a cart pulled by two water buffalo out to a rice field.  Water buffaloes make the cutest sounds, and are actually very shy and timid creatures despite their size!  I wish I had recorded it to show you guys.  :)  They kind of sound like a frog- that's the best analogy I can offer you guys.
After arriving at the rice fields, we promptly took off our shoes and socks, rolled up our pants or shorts and stepped in to the mud! It was cool, refreshing, and I felt like a little kid!  I was being given permission to play in the mud!!!  I hadn't done anything like that since elementary school when I went on a mud walk with my class and Dad. Anyways, we were handed bundles of rice to be planted in the mud and shown how to do so properly.  Of course, me with my lack of a green thumb was terrible at it, but what can I say?  I did the best I could, and hope and pray I didn't end up wasting too many of their plants.  It was a lot of work, being bent over, grabbing 4 or 5 stalks of rice, and shoving them into the water, muddy ground.  We had to keep the rows neat, and all of the foreigners moved very slow compared to the Cambodian farmers nearby.  It was a lot of fun though honestly!
Once finished at the field, we walked barefoot through a few fields to a near by hut to wash our feet off.  We made our way slowly through the fields and homes, stopping to see some of the people.  I finally tried a coconut actually, and it tasted amazing (though I'd never be able to drink an entire one by myself).  You wouldn't believe how rich or sweet a coconut is!  Finally we stopped for a lunch at some nearby huts.  This wasn't your typical lunch though, so be warned!  Our guide chopped up garlic, red peppers, lemon grass, fish paste, sugar, and ants.  Yes, ants!  They were still alive before he started chopping too . . .  We ate this combination with sliced cucumber (it actually wasn't half bad)!  I only had a little before he wrapped the rest in a banana leaf and placed it over the fire to be cooked beside the souop.  Then we made soup with peppers, garlic, water lily, fish, shrimp, and a few other things.  I loved the soup!  That was really yummy!  And water lily tastes really good.  :)  We enjoyed all of this with rice, sharing with some of the locals.  I had some of the local food and then a sandwich as well.  Hey, I'll eat ants, but that taste was strong and I can't eat a lot of it!
After our lunch here, we walked around some more, seeing some of the other homes, how people make their living (either by farming and/or selling products to other locals), walking through a Buddhist monastery, and then ending at a local school.
Let me tell you what.  These kids were so freakin' cute, I can't even tell you!  They were giggling, laughing, smiling, and when we would pull our cameras out to take photos, they would all pose!  It was just downright adorable!!!  After I took their pictures, I would show them the photos I had taken, and they would all crowd around me.  They would point, laugh, giggle, and just love seeing their picture!   I wish there was a way I could send it to them, I bet they would love it!  We walked around the school and saw a local classroom.  The kids were all outside on the soccer field, or playing with paper planes they had made.  You could hear their screams of joy and laughs constantly, and it gave me this sense of happiness and joy to be around.  I wish Korean children were more like this, but different countries produce different demeanor's within their people.  I watched as they would throw a toy back and forth (similar to dodgeball), screaming and laugh while trying to avoid it.  Other kids were out on the field just running around and having fun.
After ending the day, one of the other guys on the tour, an Australian, recommend I come see the local artisan workshops, which is where he was heading.  Seeing as how I had nothing else planned, I agreed!  A local man showed me around, walking me from room to room.  They teach the local people how to create beautiful works of art out of silk, wood, and stone.  Some of the workers are also deaf, and I found out that their sign language is the same as American sign language!  If I knew more then sorry and thank you, I could have talked with some of the workers, despite our different cultures!  How cool would that have been?!  Once done, I bought a small thing of ice cream and meandered through the local market.  There were fruits of all colors and sizes, curries, and rice everywhere!  Tourists were mingling with locals, and haggling for the best prices.  I didn't buy anything, I just walked around.  But it is always so cool seeing the true local areas in my opinion.  At one point I had started to walk into the meat section before I realized it, though I quickly turned around!  Sadly I had to walk through the fish section though to get to the goods side of the market.  I made it through no problem, but man did Morocco's marketplace (which I visited in high school on a trip through Spain) prepare me for all the sights and smells!  I really enjoyed it though, and think I got some fun pictures to show you later.
I honestly could see myself coming back time and again to Cambodia.  The people are simply wonderful: they're friendly, kind, and just tons of fun to be around.  :)  I'm going to miss this country when I leave tomorrow, but I'm so happy I got to spend so much time here as well.
Yes Cambodia, I'll return.  I don't know when, but I will.  Thank you for all the wonderful memories and beautiful experiences here.
Peaceful and genuinely happy,
Rita

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Floating Villages and the Cambodian People

*knock knock knock*
Huh?  What?  "Ma'am?"
I open my door groggily and find one of the hostel workers there.  "Yes?" He tells me my ride is waiting.  "What?  My tour doesn't start until 8am.  There must be a mistake." He apologizes and giggles before leaving.
It's 5 something in the morning, and now my heart is racing from being woken up so rudely.  But I can't hold it against the man, he's too sweet.  So I slowly fall back asleep before beginning my day.
In my group of 8, one of who was the Italian man that has been on the past two trips with me as well, we make our way to one of the floating villages outside of town.  Before making it to our boat though, first we walk through a typical Cambodian village.  The people are friendly, smiling and laughing at us silly tourists, and going about their daily life.  I felt a little bad about being one of "those" people, but I know it can't be helped.  As we walk around, I see little kids, various fruits, eggs, fish, and even chicken.  Flies swarm over everything, woman work to de-scale the fish, and there are even a few stations where the woman clean snakes.  None of these things freaked me out until I walked past a pigs face.  It was a little disconcerting honestly. 
After our time here, we finally arrive at the tiny area where all the boats are.  There were so many narrow boats in this tiny section, that it was a traffic jam, boat style. About 15 minutes later we finally were on our way. 
We road out, making our way to the village slowly but surely.  One by one, they began to appear.  Homes, buildings, on stilts, in the middle of the river.  Boats were everywhere, a dog swam by, and little children waved as they paddled along side us.  Some of the buildings were gorgeous turquoise blue, or even sky blue.  Others were the natural brown, or more hut like.  Either way, they all were beautiful. 
After riding up and down the river, we stopped at a small building were we changed to small canoes.  A woman with her baby, and older woman took me and the Italian man on a peaceful and relaxing trip through the waters.  The birds sang their songs, the trees granted us natural shade, and the only disturbance was when the baby began to cry.
Later we enjoyed sandwiches on a floating restaurant (I can now say I've eaten meals on a revolving restaurant and a floating one!), We talked with our guide, learned about what it was like during the reign of Poi Pot, and kicked back and relaxed.  This was exactly what the doctor ordered after two days of temple explorations in the hot sun. 
The final leg of our trip consisted of us walking through the actual village area.  The people were amazingly friendly, and both children and woman smiled and waved at us.  I have honestly never meet more friendly people anywhere else in the world yet, and I love them so much.  Sorry Korea, but Cambodia beats you!  I would take 3rd world country over 1st world Korea any day to be quite frank, I have never enjoyed my time around local people as much as I have here.  And after exploring Angkor Wat and the floating villages, it only makes me want to travel to South America to visit Incan ruins, Mayan ruins, Machu Pichu and travel around Africa!!!  I am already planning my next trip through South Asia: Start in Phonm Pen, go over to Laos, end in Thailand.  :)
After returning to my hotel early, I enjoyed a cool shower, watched a little tv, and ventured out into to town on one of the hostels bikes for a nice dinner.  To relax from my oh-so-stressful day, I biked up and down the river, hunting for good photo spots, before meandering a local market and buying small souvenirs for my two best friends.  :)
I may not travel around to various countries as much as others, and move slower, but I love taking my time in places, and really getting to know the area.  I also had never traveled solo before.  Now that I know how easy it is to not only do so, but to travel solo between cities and countries as well, I plan to make good use of said knowledge!  Ohhhh, I love traveling, and may end up having to take a few months off of work to do so!
The downfall I face: buying souvenirs. 
I ended the night by writing this blog.  I started with a kitten in my lap keeping me company, and the most content person you could find.  I'm learning to stop comparing myself to others, and realizing it's okay that I take things slower.  I may be the tortoise in this world of hares, but I'm learning that that's okay.  I still get there, but I take my time doing so.  And along the way, I get to enjoy just a few more subtle beauties that the hares may miss in their race to see it all.
Peaceful in Soul and Spirit,
Rita

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Land of Temples, Tuk Tuk's and Motor Bikes

Yesterday morning I woke to my alarm at 6:00am, and began my journey of travelling to Cambodia.  I boarded my plan for Guangzhou, China and waited the excruciating 3 hours for my final flight to Siem Reap.  As I stepped off the plane, talking to a fellow English teacher from Seoul who will also be here for the same amount of time as me, we both relished the humid, hot air around us.  He is from Florida too, which explains why he enjoyed the heat as much as I did.  After getting through customs and showing my visa, I went outside hoping and praying someone would be there to pick me up like my hostel said.  Everything I had booked could fall through or not even show up.  I was putting my life and trust into various companies and people I knew nothing about.  But after my fellow teacher friend left, I looked around for my name and sure enough!  There was someone waiting for me from my hostel!  So I climbed into my tuk tuk and made my way through townl!  I'll be honest, it was all overwhelming at first.  I had landed just as the sun was setting, and entering any town or city for the first time in the dark is always intimidating to me.  I was scared, nervous and excited beyond belief!  I didn't know what to expect or how to feel about being here.  Everything was pitch black except for the buildings, there were tuk tuks and motor bikes with anywhere from 1 to 5 people on them, crazy drivers who didn't seem to obey any rules (including mine, who would weave into oncoming traffic to get around slower cars, tuk tuks or motorbikes in front of us).  At one point he turned on to a darker street and I thought: please don't kill me!  Then quickly laughed at myself and couldn't help but smile at the excitment of it all!  Once I arrived, I checked in no problem (couldn't help but notice the guests who signed in above me were from Israel!  How cool is that?), took a quick shower (can't figure out how to make the shower hot yet . . .) watched a movie and feel asleep around 11:30 local time.
Morning came quickly enough, and by 9am, I was entering the compound for the Angkor Wat temples with my tiny tour group of 3 (including me, not including the driver and tour guide).  The two other folks with me were both gentlemen and far older then myself.  One man was from Italy and currently living/working in Beijing, and the other from France is currently living/working in London.  Of course I'm an American living and working in Korea- I love funny things like that.  :)  We explored six various temples, all of which were gorgeous and beautiful in their own way.  The first was the temple used for the tomb raider movie, and had the most beautiful trees growing within the compound you could imagine.  The forest was taking it back slowly, and man I didn't mind!  The second offered this spectacular view of the surrounding area.  Close your eyes and imagine lush green jungle trees, pinkish/brown sand and tops of temples peaking through the tree tops when you looked to the north.  Yes, it is heaven.  The others had amazing details, beautiful views, and just stunning architecture that I can not even attempt to describe to you.  I will allow my photos to speak for themselves later.
We also made time to explore a small museum that dealt with de-mining in Cambodia.  It was honestly truly fascinating and interesting to learn about this, as I don't know a lot about the history of Cambodia at all.  There are still an estimated 3-6 million mines active in Cambodia!  And they are still killing and maiming people as well.  This one man, with the help of various organizations, countries and volunteers, is working to either safely detonate or defuse the bombs as a way of making Cambodia safer.  The museum is also working as an orphanage for children who have lost their parents or been hurt themselves by these mines still littering Cambodia.  It was wonderful and horrifying to learn all at once.
Our day ended around 5 when my tour guide returned me to my hostel.  I chilled for a few with a $.50 glass of iced tea (so cheap, I love it!) before hoping on the back of a motor bike and riding into town to get the last of my money exchanged.  It was exciting, exhilarating, and scary all at once.  At a few points I was thinking: please don't get me killed!  I couldn't help but smile though!  Yes, I'm in a third world country, but the people are so friendly, I feel amazingly safe, and love seeing Cambodian and tourists mixed together in this town.  The man returned me to my hostel, where I immediately turned around and walked out again.  I wandered the streets, explored the river, and found a little place to have dinner.  I enjoyed delicious lemon grass tea and amok (curry) chicken.  It was delicious, cheap, and filling!  I also took some rather awesome photos (if I do say so myself) of all the traffic that comes through these little streets.  I'm now sitting at one of the hostel computers and enjoying the wonderful humid air before going back to my room to take a shower (yay!!!).
Let me say this to anyone reading who has ever thought about traveling somewhere, but held back for fear of doing so solo;  Being here is amazing!!!  Screw having a travel buddy!  You don't need to have someone by your side to enjoy the amazing qualities of any country!!!  This ROCKS!!!!!!  Just do it, and you'll be surprised at who you meet along the way, and how much fun you have by yourself.   I would do this again any day, and will Never Again allow fear to hold me back!
The only thing I'd change for next time: getting a hostel or hotel with a swimming pool.  xD
Loving Life and You,
Rita