A Few Reflections

So I have this friend.  I've known her for 10 years now, and it has been one long ride.  Throughout those times, we went through middle school hormones, high school lunches, our first international trip (together), acceptance to college, and a few boys.  We didn't talk through all of it.  In fact, there were at least a few years where we didn't talk at all.  She reached out to me via facebook after our longest non-communicative spell, sending me a short message asking how I was and how my life was going.  That was two years ago, and with a simple reply back of, "tell me about your life", we both started sharing practically everything right away.  It became a series of ridiculously long messages back and forth, spanning over the next few months until the first time I went back to the states to visit home.  After that, we have been talking ever since, though not regularly like with other folks.  My friend and I have a solid connection, where we contact each other when needed, but can also go for long periods of time without communicating too.  It's just how we work.
I found out tonight that her father is dying from cancer.  Let me say this, my friend has been through some of the roughest things in life I can imagine someone going through- abuse, the loss of one parent already, and so much more.  When she told me about this tonight, I was floored and heart broken for her.  She will be 27 with both her biological parents gone already.  This doesn't happen for most folks until they are in their 40's at earliest.  Let me say this, it puts things into perspective.
There is so much to this life and world that we constantly overlook, myself included, that when something big comes along and hits us in the face, it does so with such great force that consistently it knocks the wind out of us.  I find that for myself at least, I am left a bit speechless and feel as if I am playing the part of the fool for it.
So often, we hold on to things that don't really matter in the end.  Anger at a friend over a stupid mistake, disappointment because the boy we like didn't call, or fear of going out somewhere new alone.  As my father once told me, what matters at the end of your life is only the ability to look yourself in the eye, to feel proud of who you have become and what you have done with your life.  No one else, no thing else, really matters besides that.
Tonight I also talked with a good friend who knew my ex and I while we were together.  It was a hard conversation for me, as I still hold a lot of anger over how things ended.  I asked her at the end of the conversation if my ex hated me, and she told me no.  He seems angry, but he doesn't hate me as far as she knew.  I sat and thought about that for a while, as I had allowed myself to get caught up in my own anger and forgotten about his.  It caused a shift within me, one that told me the right thing to do was not to yell at him for what he had done to me, but to apologize for what I had done to him in our relationship.  Though I'm not sure it will bring him any closure, seeing an apology from me, I honestly feel I have gained some closure within myself.  Sometimes saying I'm sorry can be amazingly healing.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I guess I just wanted to share what was on my mind.  I hope maybe it helps inspire someone or sparks an idea within you.  Take care and remember that life consists of more than simple living- though what exactly I can't and won't say.  That answer is always different for everyone.  This world makes it easy to be pulled in by the pretty and shiny things, but never forget about what else there is to life.  It can mean the difference in the end.
Love,
Rita