Stop. Take a Deep Breath. Smile.

Let's start from the top, shall we?
Today is January 7th, and I have officially been in Thailand for two and a half weeks.  It hasn't felt like that long to be honest, it's felt like longer.  Though as Sam said yesterday, not in a bad way, in a good way.
A few of you I'm sure have been wondering what I have been doing while here, vacationing in the land of smiles.  The answer I'm afraid may bore you and shock you.  The answer?  Not much.
Haha, see, confused yet?
What I mean by this is that, my trip here was not about being a tourist, going off to remote jungles and exclusive waterfalls- it has been about seeing my best friend Sam.  Her and I were really close in Korea, and when she left for her next adventure two years ago, we never lost touch.  In some ways, the distance has helped us to become closer at times, and for me at least, I know I have opened up more and more to her.  While I have gone away to places like Chiang Mia, Ayutthaya, Kanchanaburi, and Koh Larn, aside from the last, they were all day trips by myself basically.
The rest of the time was spent right here, where I am now, sitting on her couch, talking and hanging out with one of my best friends.  Neither of us need much to be happy- give us some tea, a good book, and we will let it ripe with laughter, good conversations, and lots of smiles between us.  The friendship is beautiful in that, we don't have to talk to be company, and we are both similar and laid back enough that we can just go with things 97% of the time.  (hey, no one is perfect!)
Has it been the most exciting trip of my life?  No.  Has it been exactly what I needed at this moment in life?  Yes yes yes.  100%.  Even more than I could have anticipated.  Sam is more laid back than I am really, and being around her again has helped me learn to sit back and relax again.  For so long, I felt this need to just "Go Go Go!", always moving, always doing something, that I didn't know how to sit without becoming unhappy.  These two and a half weeks have been a lesson in just that.  I could not have asked for a better friend to help me with this too.
Have we butted heads, or had moments of discord?  Sure, every friendship has that sometimes.  But we have moved past all quickly and with blind eyes to those moments, knowing they are of less importance than everything else.
The other wonderful thing that Thailand has done for me is to help me find my feet again.  The last two months, I have been lost.  I was always "The Girl With a Plan" *blows a pretend trumpet*.  Yet, since about early November, life has felt a bit like a boat drifting in shallow water- no path, no guidance, no North Star to point me where to go next.  For me, this sensation is absolutely terrifying, and after real conversations with Sam, and probably still WAY too much thinking, I am hesitantly pointing my feet towards what I think I should do next with my life.  Right now I won't get into the exact details, but I will say that it feels good to have a goal and direction again.
Today I leave for Cambodia, one of my absolute favorite countries in the entire world  It'll be my third trip to that amazing land, and while I am sad to say goodbye to Sam again, I know that our friendship will last over the distance, that I will see her again 2017 (England next time!), and that true friendship never fades, despite how long it is between visits.  As Sam pointed out to me yesterday, sitting in what must have been our 20th coffee ship visit this trip: "Don't cry because it's over, laugh because it happened."  So laugh is what I shall do.  :)
Before I go, I will share one story with you from my time here- my favorite story I think, and one I will never forget.
The all day bus I had taken to get to Bangkok pulled in to the station at 5pm nearly on the dot.  While impressed, I didn't linger, but instead bolted for the first taxi I could find- Siam Paragon was my destination, and Sam was waiting for me there.  The driver pulls out on to the road and we are making good time, until we turn left.  At first, we hit a little bit of traffic, which seems like no big deal.  That little bit of traffic turns into more and more traffic, until before too long, the taxi I am in is sitting amid this congo line of red lights as far as the eye can see.  Anxiously, I watch the time tick away, knowing full well I have no way of telling Sam I am stuck in traffic.  Finally, after almost a full hour this, my taxi driver says that the station is just 200 meters up the road.  I thank him, pay, and grab my stuff.  Practically speed walking as fast my little legs will carry me with my giant backpacking backpack, I walk towards the subway station exits looking for exit 5.  Very quickly I realize, they're not numbered!  "What city doesn't number their exits?!" I think!  Across the road I see a sign for exit 3, and hope that I am getting close.  It turns out, that is the only exit that is numbered!  Having walked past at least 4 subway exits with no Sam yet, I am beginning to panic.  At one point I even go upstairs into the station, apparently mistakenly assuming that all subway stations have signs for the exits posted.  NOPE!  After walking back down, I continue following the main road.  There is one more exit ahead of me before they end, and after that I figure that if Sam isn't at that one, I'll cross the street and start on the other side looking for her.  All the sudden, I see something in the corner of my eye!  I turn and Sam is running towards me.  "OH MY GOD!" I yell, and then we hug for a solid two minutes!  We laugh, both talking at the same time, trying to share our stories about the last hour, before she asks if I am hungry.  Of course, like always, I am, so we head off for Korean food.
Thus began my time with my best friend, and I don't think you could find a better reunion story if you looked in my opinion.
I promise to write more about my adventures as I continue to travel. Thailand was just special.  :)
Much love,
Rita

Looking Back to Move Forward

2014 has been a long year.  Every year, at the end, when I sit down to reflect on the year in entirety, I always think to myself: "Wow, that was a hard year!".  2009 was hard, when my grandmother passed away as I was flying up to say goodbye.  2010 was a shift, as it was the year I graduated and said goodbye to my friends after college.  2011 was difficult, as I first moved overseas this year.  In 2012, I faced a illness that would leave me afraid of a re-occurrence and flashbacks to the pain for months, along with a job that would shake my faith in myself to teach.  The year 2013 was a challenge, with my first real exposure to what a cruel break-up means, along with gaining first hand knowledge of what it is like to count ever penny you own just to get by.

This year though, this year was something else.  To be honest, it's still hard to believe everything that has happened in the span on 12 months, and to openly admit that, yeah, that was me living through those things.
1 year ago, I was finishing the second semester of graduate school.
1 year ago, my home was in Seoul, South Korea.
1 year ago, I found out that the man who I had trusted and been in a relationship with had been lying to me.
1 year ago, that same man revealed to me that he was married, and had used me to cheat on his wife and son.
10 months ago, his wife contacted me, and what ensued were about 4 months of on and off communication (aka: harassment) from her, blaming me for everything.
7 months ago, all of my belongings and life were packed up and moved back to America.
7 months ago, I said goodbye to some of the best friends I have made during my life in Korea.
5 months ago, China became my new home.
This week, I finish teaching my first semester as a college teacher.

Wow.  All that happened in one year?  I still struggle to believe it too.

Now, sitting here, I can't believe I went through all of those things in just 365 days.  For a long time, I honestly didn't think I would make it.  It felt like the struggles, hardship, and sadness would never end, particularly when trying to deal with the cheating married man and his wife.  Though neither were bad people outright, they (and I) all made bad decisions which caused increased pain beyond what was necessary.  Life was a black tunnel, with no white light at the end.  All I knew was constant guilt, anger, blame, and fights.
Now...now life feels completely different.
I am happy again, laughing and enjoying life.  It's not the, soul smiling, face hurting, world rocking happiness like I experienced for a brief few days in America, but that was a special kind of happiness.  Every week, I get to walk into seven classes and have fun teaching English through conversation or history.  Every week, I also try my hand at cooking, and have now mastered a number of new recipes, all from scratch as well.  Sure, sometimes I feel lonely, sad, and miss my friends, but that happens to everyone.  In only one and a half weeks, I will be traveling to Thailand to celebrate both Christmas and New Years with one of my best friends Sam, my amazing bestie I haven't gotten to see for nearly 2 years.  After that, I get to travel to Cambodia again, one of my three favorite countries in the entire world, with my friends Suzanna and Yumiko.  After that, it's a journey through China, with stops in Nanjing, Hong Kong, Hainan, Shanghai, and Huangshan.  Then, I end it by celebrating one of my best friends weddings in America, along with my Mom's birthday after 4 years of having to miss them.  What makes all of it better, is knowing that I paid for the entire adventure with my own hard work and dollars, on a teacher's salary.  My parents taught me that bragging is wrong, but it's also good to celebrate the feats you achieve in life- and for me, this is one of them. 
It feels like life is finally going in the right direction.  And to be honest, after the year I went through, I feel like I deserve it.
All my love,
Rita

Can't wait to see one of my best friends, Sam!

For the first time in at least three years, it snowed in December!

I was dancing like a 5 year old!

Yumiko and I on campus.

 

 On a walk down to the beach with my juniors.

 Angel and I, the first student I became friends with here.

Suzanna and I at Starbucks on opening weekend!  

Merry Christmas to all, from the Dongda University English Language Department (and students)!

Somewhere Between Black and White

Life is unfair.  This simple statement has to be one of the hardest facts about life to learn, accept, and overcome.  It has always been true, and will always be true.  We may want to cry out against the frustrations of the world, the wrongs committed against the innocents, and the struggles that are faced by good people who have done nothing but work hard.  But we can not.  The reason is simple:

Sometimes, bad things happen to good people.

It has always been hard for me to accept this, as one of the morals I hold highly in life is fairness.  These bad things don't happen out of spite from the universe, because someone deserved them, or any other such none-sense like that.  The sad reality is that, this is the way that life goes- up, and down, at times calmly like you'd expect, but more often erratic like you wouldn't.  It is these erratic moments, particularly the extreme ones, that cause most people to feel confused, become afraid or angry, and struggle to understand what is going on in the world around them.  

Seven and a half years ago, a young man decided that the best option for him was to take guns and begin shooting in one of the buildings at Virginia Tech University.  On that day, 32 lives were lost, not including the gunmans'.  One of the greatest losses of life by a single person, it was the largest school shooting that I could remember very clearly, as I was only in 5th grade when Columbine took place.  That year, I was a freshman at Florida State University, and I recall distinctly standing in my dormitory.  The room I was in overlooked Landis Green, a large lawn in the center of the school, as well as the entrance to Strozier Library, the largest and main library on campus.  I was afraid, very confused, and extremely sad.  I remember wanting to do more for Virginia Tech, but not knowing what.

Little did I realize that in 2014, my university would undergo a similar experience.  Only one day ago, a man walked into Strozier Library and opened fire.  With every fiber of my being, I give thanks for the next words I write: he failed to kill a single person.  The police shot the gunman down outside of the library, and the three students who were wounded are being treated now. 

When I read the breaking news story, I felt sadness and confusion.  How could this happen at my school?  Why would someone do this?  Why were we so lucky, but so many other schools/universities not?  How did no one know that the shooter was so upset/mentally ill/dangerous that he was able to go that far?  Did the shooter have to die?  (I am very strongly against killing anyone, especially if it is a case of mental illness.  Not as an excuse, but simply because America needs to begin accepting that the things some people do are preventable if we put forth the time to respect mental illness as a serious problem.  It is never as simple as bad guys and good guys, but rather: a good person who turned bad because of internal forces they did not receive the proper help to stop or care for.)

In the morning, when I woke up, I still felt sad honestly.  To the point of, when I threw the covers off my legs and tried to stand up, I found myself instead crumpling to the ground in prayer, and crying.  Maybe this sounds silly to you, but every loss of life, every tragedy in this world, every pain that goes unnoticed to the point of pushing someone to feel the need to take another person's life, is cause for grief to me.  I feel for the shooters family and friends.  I feel my former classmates and the current students.  And I feel for my school, FSU.

We are Noles.
We are Floridians.
We are human.

Always,

Rita

Ain't No Party

Like a Halloween Party!

All the Chinese love
From,
Elsa, Sherlock, and Rosie the Riveter

P.S.- If you can believe it, (or maybe you do), I'm the extroverted/loud one in the group.  Hah!  Funny right?  ;) 
Love, hugs and kisses!

I'm Still Alive!

Dear Friends,
First, I would like to begin by offering a sincere apology to all of you.  I over-estimated how much free time I would have here in China, and underestimated how hard of a transition it would be. 
In the beginning, I honestly thought I would have ALL this free time to read, draw, go for runs, watch movies, do research (yes, that is fun to me), etc.  Little did I realize how much time I would spend every week creating lesson plans, grading, meeting and hanging out with all of my kids as best as I can.  On top of this, I never imagined the difficulty I would encounter in trying to adjust to life in China.   Not as in it would be hard here, I already knew that part.  What I mean is that the beginning was VERY VERY hard for me because I kept wanting to compare everything to Korea.  The people here, the students, food, clothes, attitudes, behaviors, Everything.  I wasn't trying to.  I didn't mean to.  There were countless days I would consciously tell myself NOT to.  Yet I couldn't help it.  This made my transition here harder than I expected, and in a way, I guess I deserve that.
Second, I'm still alive!  Let's take a moment here to applause this fact!  Haha!  I have successfully made it through two months of being a college professor, with as far as I know, no students hating my guts yet.  Though they did come close last week when I gave them the homework assignment to not use their cellphone for 24 hours...  Anyways!  As I said previously, this job keeps me on my toes and super busy.  Just this last Friday I was the emcee and dance teacher for two hours at a dance party we had here on campus.  While great fun, and I honestly did not mind leading all of the dances, two straight hours of jumping around, running, moving, and talking to students was exhausting!

The other two teachers here at Dongda, Luke and Suzanna also do a lot of social activities with the kids.  Sometimes the three of us do things together with each other and the kids, and sometimes separate.  Just yesterday I spent about 2-3 hours eating lunch, hanging out, and talking with four of my freshmen girls.  But on Saturday, Luke, Suzanna, and I took 23 of our kids to Mt. Zushan to go hiking.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you don't hear from me for long periods of time, that is why!  I'm just busy busy busy!  And that's the way I like to be!  :D
Last but not least, I am only a few days away from my 27th birthday.  Hard to imagine that I have celebrated four years overseas, growing, learning, and becoming a better version of me.  The me I was always meant to be. While I wish I could say that I have achieved all of the dreams I had set for myself by this age when I was younger, it's just not true.  I thought by this point I would be living in the north-east of the States, married, working as a history teacher, and possibly with one child already.  Instead, here I am.  Entrepreneur, world traveler, international educator, college professor, daughter, best friend, and turning into a woman I never before imagined could exist.  On one hand, I could go "woe is me, I'm single and childless".  But that's not how I see it.  I've taught around 1700 students in my four years so far, and all of them are my kids.  I used to think I was this shy, quiet, invisible, and easily forgotten little girl.  Now I sit here at my desk in China, 1pm in the afternoon, smiling with the fresh positive feedback from my boss just yesterday still ringing in my ears.  His words telling me how clear it is that I am a professional, amazed at my passion and compassion when teaching, and how my presence is the glue pulling the team together.  No superior has complimented me so kindly and honestly in a long time, and I know that he is not the sort to provide others with fluff compliments.  I love who I am, and even more who I am becoming.  Happy Early Birthday to me, here's to another 27 amazing years on this beautiful Earth.
I love all of you, and hope that you are not only healthy and safe, but happy and smiling all the time.  You are beautiful people, and never forget it! 
Always,
Your Wanderlust Friend/Sister,
Rita

P.S.- If you'd like to follow along with my photos, you can go here: https://ritaschinaadventures.shutterfly.com/
It's a website I created for family back home to be able to see all of my photos easily.  Now you can too!

Learning Life, Version: China 1.0

As a foreigner in China, there a few things I have come to learn during my short time here.  Aspects to daily living that are distinctly different from life as a foreigner in Korea.
1. You are a celebrity
For many of your students, you are not the first foreigner they have seen.  But for every two students who have spoken to someone from abroad, there is one who probably hasn't.  Good example, yesterday I had lunch with three freshman girls, and I was the first expat they had ever met in their entire life.  Talk about a humbling moment.  Today while at the printer store, one of my freshman boys saw me, and came over to say hi.  He then asked to take a picture with me.  While most of your students are eager to talk despite their shyness and curious, there will always be a few who will try to either sneak a photo of you during class, or even out right ask to take a photo with you.  Don't be surprised, they have never seen anyone like you before.

2. You become brave
When you cross the street, the cars do not always obey stop crosswalk lights.  If you want to walk across the road, you have to simply start walking between cars, standing in the middle to wait if necessary.  You also have to buy fruit and vegetables from street vendors.  If you are like me, where you came to the country knowing only how to say hi, then this formerly simple task morphs into a large undertaking that can be terrifying.  Wonderfully enough, there are many, many Chinese who want to talk with you, even if you can't speak Chinese, and are willing to help you out as much as they know how to.

3. Your preconceptions break down
Take everything you thought you know or understood about China, hold it in a box in your mind.  Got it?  Now take that box, and throw it in the trash can.  China is nothing like what you think, and every day I find myself surprised by the people, food, culture, friendliness, and willingness to help.  A senior student, a girl I had met once randomly while with my coworkers and eaten dinner with, not only helped me to buy train tickets when I went to Beijing, but also physically went with me to the train station.  Simply just to help me so I wouldn't get lost.  Not that I thought people would be mean, but that is above and beyond what I have experienced anywhere else.

4. You learn to understand
 In America, we act.  We must do things NOW, at this VERY minute.  We hurry, hurry, hurry, and have trouble understanding how other countries can not only be different, but settle for what we see as less than adequate.  Yet while talking with students, you began to see the world through their eyes, how familial relationships are of the utmost importance, hard work is a natural part of life, and accepting that China is so large, things progress slowly sometimes.  You begin to realize that the pace of life is simply slower, and maybe that's not such a bad thing, despite what we think in America.

5. You are humbled
 Unlike in America or even Korea, nothing here has English.  Virtually nothing at least.  This means, when you want to mail a letter, you have to ask a student to help you.  When you are with coworkers who both speak Chinese, you sometimes have to sit while they talk in Chinese to waitress or your Chinese coworkers, asking for translations when it isn't rude to interject.  You have to learn to simply laugh when students ask how you get around without knowing the language, trying hard to not feel embarrassed by the truth that it is actually very difficult sometimes.  Life here knocks you down a peg, and when you don't know something or can't understand, which may be often in the beginning, you can either suck it up and go along for the ride, or sit proudly in your apartment by yourself.

6. You learn to listen
Students will talk to you, if you wait.  I have been honestly shocked at how much they share with me.  The reason?  You are a foreigner.  You are not one of their friends.  You are SAFE.  Often we find it easy to half listen to each other, muttering "uh-huh" while they speak, scrolling through facebook on our phones.  Focusing on what a student really says, proving they are there 100%, will give them the safe feeling they need to begin speaking to you. And wow, when they speak, they SPEAK!  I have been shocked by how much some kids have shared with me already honestly, and though I feel unworthy of their trust, and don't usually know what to say, I just remember that more times than not, speaking is not always about being understood, it is about being heard.

I know I'm missing stuff, but that's what I have so far.  Life is good here, though overwhelming at times!  (In good ways!)  I have a break next week, and feel grateful for the chance to rest halfway through my semester so far.  When I had my first skype session with my US boss this past Wednesday, he commented that I was the only one really smiling.  I acknowledged yes, and stated that the reason was because I had just finished a class only a few hours before.  Teaching makes me happy, and I love strolling into a classroom and seeing 30, 40, or 50 kids staring back at me, all smiling, excited, eager, nervous, and anxious for the chance to learn in my class.  It is the best feeling in the world.  It is amazing, how easy it is to love every single one of your students, even ones you barely know.
Always,
Rita

It's a Beautiful Day!

(I meant to post this yesterday, but didn't have internet in the morning, and forgot by the evening!  Whoops!)

Good morning!

It is officially 7:50 am in Qinhuangdao, China on Saturday.  That means it is 7:50pm on Friday in the East Coast USA.  Cool huh?  Yesterday and the day before were spent entirely in travel.  We (the team) woke up at 5am on Thursday morning, were on the road to the airport by 6, the plane departed by 10am (due to delays), and we touched down in China at 2:50pm on Friday afternoon.  From there, it was another four hour bus ride to our city, which wasn’t as bad as I worried it would be.  (Seoul buses are AWFUL!)  After getting one or two things from the local store with my other team mates, I settled into my new place, and slowly started making it my home.  It’s not done yet, and the list of things I need seems to be growing ever longer slowly (all little things too, ugh!), but it is definitely coming along quite nicely.  Today we will explore the campus a little, get what supplies we need, and possibly go downtown a bit as well.

I bet you are wondering, what about the fact that I am in CHINA!  Well, in case you were wondering, no I hadn’t forgotten in my jet lagged haze (I don’t feel that jet lagged honestly, despite waking up at 6am).  Lol!  I haven’t gotten to see a lot since arriving yet honestly, as driving through Beijing does not give you a good feel for what the city is like.  We also arrived in Qinhuangdao at about 8pm, and as everyone knows, darkness is rarely conducive to knowing what a place really looks and feels like.  I can say this though: The country is a lot more relaxed than Korea, with folks not feeling the pressure to dress and look perfect it seems.  Along the way, I noticed a fair amount of sheep herds as well, giving me the feeling of a mix of old and new put together.  There were many neon lights last night when we arrived in Qinhuangdao, which did not surprise me that much, and the late night street where I bought my fruit echoed similarities in my mind of memories from other countries I have visited.  I am really excited to see more of China, though nervous too, as I keep wanting to compare everything to Korea.  It will be undoubtedly hard for me to switch my mental gears.

September 1^st is a big day for me here, as well as my friend Robert in Sweden, and Mike in Korea,.  We all start school!  Robert and Mike start grad classes, and I start teaching my undergrad kids!  Crazy coincidence right?  Haha!  Honestly, I can’t even explain how much I long to step back into the classroom.  After three years of teaching almost 365 days a year, I find it interesting how much I miss teaching.  It’s not that I thought I wouldn’t, but I’m surprised at how, in the midst of being in a new country, with a new language, surrounded by new people, the physical place I am eager to get to the most is my classroom.  Guess that does make me a teacher at heart.

“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.”

My Dad wrote that on one of the daily messages he prepares for me for when I live abroad every year (Yeah, I’m a spoiled daughter!).  I read that while standing in my new kitchen here in China and found myself proudly knowing I have not let this happen to me, and will never let it do so in the future.  I don’t want to spend my life waiting, thinking, afraid- I want to jump into the deep end, be a little crazy, and try my hand at living life to the fullest.  There is no greater regret in my mind, then to never try.

Just remember, dear friends, “One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that your presence and absence both mean something to someone.”  I am beyond lucky to have both the family and friends that I do.  Thank you for loving me, missing me, and letting me go to explore this world.  Here’s to another year of adventures!

Love,
Rita