Life Update

The greatest mystery in this world, in my opinion, is life.  Granted, this is my opinion, and I will openly and easily admit that there are any number of things that we as humans still do not understand.  Yet I know, for me, the greatest of them is this.  How is it that we think we can know so much of what we are supposed to do, how we are supposed to act, the way things are supposed to go, and then meet one person or go through a single experience, and all of that gets turned on its head?  Kind of amazing, and crazy, if you think about it.
While walking home tonight, I had a million thoughts running through my head, all of them chattering away at each other like it was an open floor debate among the 435 House members in the United States government.  They just wouldn't be quiet.  When I sit down to write or type them out though, they all start stuttering like a cute guy has just walked into the room, and they don't know what to do with themselves.  Thanks brain, you're very helpful.  Even now, I have been sitting at my keyboard for about 3 minutes trying to figure out what it is I want to say next.  Speaking has just always been a little hard for me, especially when it comes to revealing my inner thoughts and emotions.
Life has been...difficult lately.  It's had it's ups and downs, but the phasing between the two has been dramatic and sudden at times, feeling like a roller coaster that jerks you around a bit too hard.
I bought my plan ticket home, and have officially begun the count down to when I leave.  It's hard to swallow really, after three years in this country.  I fought for so long to leave, to get out, that now that it is happening, I find myself surprised.  In a way, I guess I wasn't sure it ever really would.  The exact date of my arrival will remain quiet though, as I hope to surprise my folks by arriving "early", one small thing that has been able to make me smile this weekend when I find myself becoming too serious.  While I am happy to see everyone, the idea of leaving this place is difficult at best.  I am leaving some of my best friends, and the place that holds all of my memories with them.  No longer will I be able to walk down the old familiar roads and remember happier times, or visit the places that were meaningful.  Once I leave, they are gone to me until/unless I am able to visit Korea again.  There is something so...final about it all that makes my heart clench in sadness, cause my throat to close tighter, and my eyes to get watery with tears. 
There are good things that have happened too, don't misunderstand.  I am almost done with my first thesis, a very exciting fact to me really.  I could tell you the topic, but it would sound overly detailed and complicated (which, if it's not, let's be honest, it's not a real grad school thesis anyways).  As my friend O asked after I shared what it was, "So has it been approved, or are the advisers still reading it?"  Basically it's about Korea's English Education system, and globalization, and a bunch of other unnecessary detailed stuff added on to make it sound unique and special.
The only other exciting news that has happened in my life lately is that my brother competed in Special Olympics State Competition for track and field.  He took part in the 50 meter run and shot put categories, receiving 2nd and 6th respectively.  Yeah, I felt like a proud sister when I got that email.
I find it hard to not doubt things, or people, quite frequently.  They can be a best friend who has been by my side for years, and even now I will wonder if they mean what they say, or find myself questioning them unfairly.  It's something I really need to work on, and a topic I just don't feel like getting into tonight. 
Right now, I miss so many people, and find it hard to feel alright.  My faith that all will be okay remains strong, I just wish I knew what "okay" meant.

Rita