Wanderings of a Swing Dancer: Peaceful Mornings

It's 5:58 on my last Sunday in Seoul, and I'm struggling to sleep. My "A/C" unit is just blowing air that I can't even feel, so the oscillating fan is keeping me on just this side of bearably cool. Most of my things have been packed into one large suitcase, and one small one, or mailed home in one of the three previous boxes I sent. It's still hard to believe that by this time (Korean time) next week, I will be waking up in my best friend's house and driving to my folk's house to surprise them.
(By the way, fun note, my folks think I am flying in a week after I actually am!)
This week began the goodbyes with a few friends, mostly dance related, who I have known for a long time within the swing dancing world here. Today I am going to my last game of D & D before having a goodbye party with my best friend Robert. He leaves not long after me, so we are sharing the greatly-hated lime-light. Of my friends who are still here in Korea, I will be seeing them all this evening.
Strangely enough, though part of me is in a way sad, I don't actually feel sad about it. Leaving I mean. Don't get me wrong, I am going to miss everybody here like crazy. For what feels like the first time in my life, I have found a place where I can not only just BE ME, but I am considered cool and fun for it. Maybe that sounds silly to you, or you're thinking- well, phef, I have that here at home! Life back in the States never really seemed to feel quite right to me, and I always had this nagging sensation that I was faking to fit in, at least a little, most of the time. Not always, not with everyone, but on the whole at least, it felt like I was trying to wear a shirt a size too big, and make it look good. That just never works. Maybe if I returned, gave the US a second chance, things would be better a second time around, but I digress.
I keep thinking how I feel happy, and okay. Okay, as it-not sad, lonely, upset, worried, scared, nervous, or any other negative emotion one might feel upon saying goodbye to their home of three years. Wow. I feel okay. How amazingly freeing it is to know that, the time has come to finally say goodbye to Korea. For years, I fought to stay, now, I am ready to let go (DON'T start singing that damned Frozen song! >.<) All of my best friends have moved on, or will be soon. Sam, my first best friend here, is now in Thailand. Robert leaves for Finland and grad school about a week and half after me, and Mike will return to the States next year. It's time, and the simple fact that my heart is able to say okay, with a soft smile knowing that this is right, is what keeps me from crying and grants me peace every night when I go to sleep. It's one of the best feelings in the world.
Turning away from the now and looking forward to the later, I am also beyond excited for the change approaching! CHINA! China is a place I have wanted to visit for years, and I am finally going! I remember being in 1st and 2nd grade, up through middle school even, and seeing my Dad fly to China, returning home late at night a week later. He'd always have a gift for me, something new from this foreign Asian land, and not only my home, but my world (food, my Dad's coworkers I'd met, etc) was filled by China. I spent two semesters studying the history, culture and religions during college as well, adding to my desire of seeing this hugely powerful and ancient nation. Yes, I know, it is not perfect, and there are many people who have issues with the policies. To me, right now in my life, it is not so much China in reality, but the China I will be a part of (professor at a university, surrounded by students who want to learn, working with people who have a strong passion and conviction in actually doing the right things in life and supporting each other) that I am more than eager to dive into. It is what I need for this time in my life, and I can feel that I will be happy there. And happiness is the most important thing to me. What is life without it?
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've last written. I love you all, and hope you enjoyed this brief view into what's going inside my crazy mind at the moment.
To my friends in Korea/Asia, I am going to miss you more than words will ever allow me to express. To my friends in the States, I will be seeing you soon, get ready for some major hugs.
Love,
Always,
Rita