This goes out to my friends who are or were living and teaching abroad. Did any of you flounder with adjusting to life in another country? And not because the country was different, but because you were a foreigner, alone, in the middle of said giant country?
If you aren't, I'm really happy for you!
But I am. I've been struggling to learn the language (I was always better with ideas, concepts, and numbers- not languages), which makes living here difficult.
Just imagine this in your mind real quick: you exit the subway system. Everything in site is in Korean, with English translations under the subway names and that's it. You wander around for 30 minutes trying to find a store called E-mart (think Target). When you finally find it, it's huge. I'm talking, two stories. And EVERYTHING is in Korean. Now you can't speak the language, read the language, or understand the language- so you're on your own for finding everything. The aisles are long, things all placed together in some order, you just don't know what. You search every aisle for that one thing you're looking for. You've wandered up and down every conceivable aisle and are losing both energy and time. At this point, you don't want to turn back home since you've already dedicated so much time to this effort. You decide to ask someone. Problem: they can't understand you, or vice versa. You're left to resort to miming and pointing at pictures on things in an attempt to make them understand you. They laugh at you, and 50% of the time take you to the right thing. You rejoice in happiness when you find it, and decide to leave while you're ahead. At the checkout, there are no digital signs telling you the cost. So again, you are left to craning over the cashiers shoulder to see the total price on her screen, or holding up fingers to represent the total. You leave with your one thing, and collapse in your tiny apartment about an hour later, exhausted and disappointed, knowing that back home, you would have gotten everything on your list, not just the one, and done so in less then half the time.
If you're telling me that situation wouldn't be intimidating to you and overwhelming, you're lying.
This is what I face, every day. And not to whine, but boy is it harder then I thought it would be. There are parts where I thoroughly enjoy the adventure of it all- traveling around in a world unknown, venturing by myself with no link to the outside for help, daring to try and fail (which I do, almost every day) in the name of knowledge and adventure. But at the end, it leaves me exhausted, and timid to go out again sometimes. Especially by myself with no one to help me, cheer me along, or help me to laugh when I feel like crying. I fear getting lost in this city, with no way of knowing how to get home or a phone to call anyone with.
When I go out to swing, I'm so used to the folks back home being friendly, talkative, and helpful that when I go out here, I'm shocked. Even while dancing, Koreans are serious, say little (if anything at all) even when they can speak English, and almost never smile. I meet foreigners and get so excited thinking: Finally! I've found the folks who will become my friends! (B/c back home, swing dancers ARE my friends. All of my friends I either made through swing, or I got hooked into swing after I started it). But no. They already have their friends, and feel comfortable with the Koreans. I find myself staring on as the few foreigners I have just meet forget entirely about me and talk to the Koreans, who also don't speak to me. I mean, I do get it. The foreigners already have their friends. They aren't in the same place that I am, where they feel this urgency in them to make a friend with someone, anyone. I just wish sometimes they would think back to how they felt in the beginning and help me out by talking to me a little more. More then a few words- I just want a small conversation, that's all. Please?
I try and go with it. I know it'll take time for me to make friends- I've always been slow at this. I don't know why, I wish I did- maybe then I could change it. I just don't connect with people quickly, or easily. On the other hand, I have a tendency to rush things. I expect something to happen wayyyy sooner then it should. These other foreigners have been here for 2 years or more- of course they're going to be friends with everyone! I just wish I could have that one person who was my friend, who I could message on fb saying: Hey! Let's go climb Mt. Inwangsan this Saturday and see the temple. We could pack a lunch and follow the trail from the temple down to the old Seoul city wall, hiking along that for the afternoon until we decided we've had enough. I want to enjoy this adventure with someone! I want someone to be there to take my picture for me, that way I don't have to do it myself. I want a friend.
I've learned that you can't wait for someone to join you on the adventures you seek though. If you're patient and the time is right, they'll come to you. I guess I must learn the value of patience.
Feeling lonely and blue,
Rita
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